The Chat Room Scandal
by letusin
Summary: Please enter your username and password...
1. Welcome To The Forum!

**Long time no see!**  
After being off the grid for over a year, I decided to actually write something. I've deleted most of my fics and changed my username. So now I'm unrecognizable !

This came to me a couple of days ago, so I'm not sure if it's already been done. I've been out of the fandom for quite a bit now. Aghhh someone help, I'm floating away from orbit !

What kind of AU is this? Not really sure... I'll think of a name for it

I should also mention this is going to be mainly a Craig/Kenny and Kyle/Cartman. For the main theme anyway, but there will be a bit on the side too. I suppose you can still read past that (unless you really cant stand either pairing. But everyone loves a bit of crenny, right guys ;);) )

If you're desperate for a quick smut fix (trust me, I'm the same sometim- all the time), I suggest you read a oneshot to quench your thirst. Otherwise, buckle up guys. It's gonna be a bumpy ride.

Without further ado, hope you readers enjoy this (If it'll get any. Are there as many people in the fandom as before?) !

* * *

 _Chapter One - Welcome To The Forum!_ ****

 **Welcome to The ASS! - The Anonymous Social Site, the site where you can converse with anonymous users while keeping your identity unknown! Please enter your username and password..**

 **USERNAME:** Butters!

"Dude, the whole point of the site is to keep your identity hidden, retard. Because, you know, that's what _anonymous_ means."

"Then how come you were watching him type his username in then, fatass?"

"Because I knew he wouldn't use an unidentifiable name to go by, Jew!"

Stan shook his head as his two friends (if you could still count Cartman as a friend) continued to bicker. These fights had always been a regular thing, but in recent months it felt more like a daily routine. Stan and Kenny were normally the two stuck in the middle of it all. Sometimes they'd sit together and rock their heads back and forth between the two insulting one another. Other times they'd sigh and walk away from the scene all together and wait for a phone call or text asking where they both had fucked off too. But on the rare occasion, where it got a bit too heated, Stan would have the responsibility of pulling Kyle off of Cartman and Kenny would have the responsibility of pulling Cartman off of Kyle. Although these occasions weren't becoming a rarity anymore.

The first bell rang, signalling the end of lunch. Stan walked with Butters, because he really couldn't be dealing with Kyle and Cartman's bitching right now.

"Just think of the first two things that come to your head and merge them together." Stan suggested, shrugging his backpack over his shoulder.

Butters glanced at Stan then back at his phone. "First two things that come to my head?" The blonde repeated. Through the corridors of the school, he panned his focus through the different surroundings whilst he and Stan made their way to their next class. He really couldn't think of anything apart from his blue jumper.

 _Blue?_ Butters thought. _That's it, blue! Okay! Blue.. blue.. blue sticky note?_ He shook his head and tore his eyes away from the notice board. _Blue.. Hmm.. Blue locker?_ He shook his head again. No, that was no good either. So much for sticking together the first two things that came to his head. The school bell rang again, signalling a second warning for pupils to get to class.

School bell. Bell. Bluebell. _Bluebell!_ Butters inwardly cheered as the name danced through his mind. Perfect!

 **USERNAME:** Bluebell!

 **Error. Name already in use. Why not choose one of the following?**

 **-Bluebell!abc**

 **-Bluebell!69**

 **-Bluebell!235052023**

 **-Bluebell!pfkgcn**

 _Dammit._ Butters frowned as he turned into his next classroom, unintentionally ignoring Stan's wave goodbye. The blonde was currently preoccupied by this life changing decision. _I'll never remember those two bottom ones!_ It was a toss up between **Bluebell!abc** and **Bluebell!69**. _Well.. I suppose sixty nine kind of has a ring to it._ He concluded as he clicked on the second option, unaware of the innuendo the name had behind it.

 **USERNAME:** Bluebell!69  
 **PASSWORD:** XXXXXX

 **Account confirmed! You're now one of us! Welcome to the forum.**

Butters grinned at the acceptance of his new form of identity. An exciting feeling brewing in his stomach, the Butters began to explore the app. There were several options in the settings menu which included:  
1) Choice of chat colour  
2) A virtual icon that he yet needed to create  
3) A motto.

 _One of us._ The blonde already felt really apart of something and he hadn't even started using the site properly yet. _Oo an avatar! Creating a virtual me is going to be so darn fun!_

But Cartman's previous words echoed through his mind. _"Because I knew he wouldn't use an unidentifiable name to go by, Jew!"_ Ah, yes. Butters had forgotten that this was an anonymous site. If he was going to be able to talk however he wanted to, he wouldn't want anyone finding out about it. Especially his parents..

 _I have to be completely unknown! Impossibly unknown! I must be the most unknown unknowner that has ever come across this unknown site!_ He frantically thought as he instantly went for the female avatar look. _A hat! I never wear hats! Purple clothing! Haha, they'll never suspect a thing!_ He laughed out loud, laughing as if he had created some evil genius plan. Too focused on his handheld device, he hadn't acknowledged his math teacher's question.

"Something funny, Mr Stotch?"

Irritated that Butters wasn't was preoccupied by his phone, the teacher marched towards the pupil's desk and held out a hand. "Come on, Butters. You know you're not allowed phones in class. You can have it back at the end."

The blonde flinched at the shadow appearing over the screen of his phone and quickly clicked the home button, fearing that someone had just seen his username. He looked up and that's when he realized it was only his math teacher.. and.. oh yes. Math. He was in class. Muttering his apology, Butters handed over his phone, ashamed for going against the school rules.

* * *

At home, Kenny McCormick was lying down with his legs dangling over the arm of the couch and his dented phone in his hands. He decided that after getting pummeled to death by a truck at 4AM in the morning, going to school several hours later wasn't worth it. Why be rushing to make it on time for the school bell (after sleeping through your alarm clock six times) when you could be lying in bed for that extra three or four hours instead? Kenny used the same excuse of "But I have a really weak immune system, being poor as fuck and all." whenever it came to attendance lectures from his tutors at school.

He had been bored ever since he woke up however. Even after the long lie in, it wasn't always worth staying at home and missing all that darn homework.

Actually, scratch that, it totally was.

Predicting the lack of users online at this time, he logged on anyway.

 **USERNAME:** Zero  
 **PASSWORD:** XXXXXX

 **Zero has entered chat room Spawn.**

 **Zero:** Yo look who it is  
 **Zero:** It's zeeerrrooo!  
 **Zero:** ...  
 **Zero:** Is no-one online?  
 **Zero:** :(

Kenny sighed, gently blowing away the thick strand of hair that was currently in his view. _People are boring_. He thought, but decided to wait for a reply anyway. Someone would soon find him in amongst the chat rooms.

* * *

Meanwhile, Craig pulled out his phone during an informal experiment that was currently taking place in his science class. He loved space and that, but science sucked ass. When were they going to learn about the names of planets and shit? He didn't want to know how the screaming jelly baby takes its effect. This was freshman stuff!

His teacher was too focused on the handful of genuinely interested pupils that had crowded her desk to watch the experiment, which meant it was a perfect time for Craig to pull out his phone and not give a fuck about anything that was happening around him.

 **USERNAME:** 4nicate  
 **PASSWORD:** XXXXXXX

 **4nicate has joined chat room Spawn.**

 **Zero:** ...  
 **Zero:** Is no-one online?  
 **Zero:** :(

 **4nicate:** Don't cry. I am here.

Kenny tore his eyes away from the TV screen to look at the new message. "Oh finally." He muttered through a mouthful of dried and slightly stale bread.

 **Zero:** I am saved ! For a minute there I thought I was going to die of boredom

 **4nicate:** Lol, tell me about it.

 **Zero:** So hows the space thing going ? I heard NASA offered u a place at being a space cadet. That tru? ;)

 **4nicate:** Haha. I wish.

 **Zero:** Don't worry, if u aint got it in you to do so, I could always visit Uranus for u instead ;D

 **4nicate:** Funny. My anus and me are fine where we are thank you.

 **Zero:** And where's that then?

* * *

Stan gradually reduced the pace of his jogging speed until he eventually came to a complete stop. Panting with his hands on his knees, he concluded that there was no way he was doing anymore. Five laps was enough. Normally he would have been able to complete the whole 10 lap circuit with no problems at all. But that was when he had Kenny by his side and the bastard had only gone and pulled a sickie so he had no-one to motivate and push him to carry on. Kenny had that good motivational character about himself that Stan really needed in his ears during elite fitness class. The blonde wasn't the best at sports and didn't have a particular heavy interest in it, but he was one hell of a good runner. Cross country was his speciality, so when it came to endurance competitions, Kenny was the man to compete. Between the four, Kyle was probably the fastest, Stan the strongest, Kenny had the best stamina and Cartman was the most tactical. During normal P.E classes, the four worked quite well together.

"You stopping?" Token asked, briefly slowing down as he passed Stan.

"Yeah, fuck it. I'm sitting this one out. Cover for me?"

Behind him, Clyde had caught up and stopped immediately when he noticed Stan walking towards a group of nearby trees that covered the outer land of the school field.

"We're stopping? What a great idea!" Clyde began to follow Stan, but Token stopped the brunette in his tracks by grabbing a hold of his shoulder.

" _He's_ stopping. _We're_ finishing." Token demanded before dragging his sulky friend away to continue their circuit.

After catching his breath, Stan dropped himself onto the grass and rested against one of the thicker tree trunks, completely out of site from everyone. He pocketed the phone from his dark blue shorts and opened up the app.

 **USERNAME:** StaticMan  
 **PASSWORD:** XXXX

 **StaticMan has joined chat room Spawn.**

 **4nicate.** Funny. My anus and me are fine where we are thank you.

 **Zero:** And where's that then?

 **StaticMan:** I just logged on and all I saw was the word anus  
 **StaticMan:** Something you're not telling us 4cate ?  
 **StaticMan:** Is this a new job prospect on the horizon ?  
 **StaticMan:** ?

 **4nicate:** Nope.

 **Zero:** Hahahaha  
 **Zero:** He don't like to discuss clientele info with those who aren't willing to pay Static  
 **Zero:** Aint that right 4cate

 **4nicate:** Totally.

 **Zero:** See

 **4nicate:** Soz Static, I'm a professional.

 **StaticMan:** Who says I'm not willing to pay?

 **Zero:** Ur wages, that's who

Stan scoffed down at the reply. Zero was a funny user - a pleasant one. Maybe someone he'd like to be friends with in the real world some day. Little did he know, that user was one of his best friends.

* * *

It all happened rather quick.. and rather predictable, in fact. Cartman had corrected Kyle's mistake on question five, which was absolutely fine.

Well, fine if it hadn't involved the word "Kike". Kyle, a perfectly reasonable temper brewing within his system, had told Cartman to "Fuck off and mind your own dam business, fatass!". Taking an offense to the redhead's tone of voice and totally disrespectful attitude, Cartman had insulted him again, only this time, he may have mentioned a thing or two about how Jews were no good. A few seconds later, Kyle had punched the brunette in the arm and got an exercise book thrown at him in return. Their math teacher thought the book being thrown was crossing the line and dismissed Cartman from the class.

"Fuckin' Jew." The brunette huffed as he grabbed his bag and left without picking up the rest of his things. Well, his things consisted of a pencil and exercise book. But considering that book was now lying half open next to Kyle's feet, he rejected the option of going to retrieve. Wasn't like it was much use to him anyway.

He trudged out of the school building and decided he was going home. He wasn't up for creating some bullshit excuse to his history teacher on why he hadn't completed that stupid assignment yet. He had more important things to do in his last period.

Cartman shoved his hand into the pocket of his jeans and retrieved his phone. _Let's see which assholes are online today._ He wondered, scrolling through his phone and clicking the ASS app.

 **USERNAME:** Infinity33  
 **PASSWORD:** XXXXXXXXX

True, Cartman could have come up with a more suitable name. Something like, _Iwillkillyourfamilytwice_ , or _ASSHOLE101_ , or _Screwyou!_ , or _CartmanCorporations_ , or _NotFATbutHUNKYaf_ , or even _FuckyouKahl_. But then everyone would know it was him. He didn't want to go with something too soft either. Something too.. Butters like. So instead, he went for something very unCartmanly like and chose a template. No-one knew it was him and that was the whole point of it. He had his suspicions on who some of the users on the site were, but it was too hard to tell. Everyone was too secretive about their true identity.

 **Infinity33 has joined chat room Spawn.**

 **4nicate:** Soz, I'm a professional.

 **StaticMan:** Who says I'm not willing to pay?

 **Zero:** Ur wages, that's who

 **Infinity33:** Wassup noobs

 **StaticMan:** Lmao shutup Z  
 **StaticMan:** Hey finity

 **4nicate:** Welcome.

 **Zero:** Finty go away ur disturbing this 3 some we got goin on here

 **StaticMan:** LOL, yeah wtf is your problem finity

 **Infinity33:** A 3 way huh? who's the host

 **Zero:** 4cate

 **Infinity33:** Noice

 **4nicate:** Oh, would you look at the time. I must go, I have a plane filled with a bunch of fucks I don't need to catch.

 **StaticMan:** Lol

 **Zero:** 4cate, u don't need a plane filled with a load of fucks coz I'm standing right here bby

 **Infinity33:** Z i dont think 4cate wants to catch any form of disease from u

 **4nicate:** Say no more.

 **Zero:** The only thing he'll be catching are these balls in his mouth

 **Infinity33:** Smoooth

* * *

Kyle, now being able to actually focus on his work, managed to complete the list of questions provided by the teacher and checked through them. He probably made some mistakes on the way, but he really didn't care. Cartman had pissed him off and that was enough to allow himself to slack off just a little bit. He leant back in his chair and from his orange jacket, he pulled out his cell phone from the outer pocket and made sure to keep the device hidden underneath his thigh.

 **USERNAME:** brainwaves  
 **PASSWORD:** XXXXXXX

 **brainwaves has joined chat room Spawn.**

 **4nicate:** Say no more.

 **Zero:** The only thing he'll be catching are these balls in his mouth

 **Infinity33:** Smoooth

Ah, the regulars. These four were normally in the same chat room along with several others. There were rarely any arguments amongst the users, though there was the odd troll or party pooper now and again. As there was no administrator to control who and what goes on, the only thing users could do to resolve an issue was simply join another chat room or result to talking privately to individuals. Kyle had an on going private chat with the user Infinity33 that'd been going on for months now. They had a lot in common and spoke, not everyday, but it was nearing that way. Kyle also thought Infinity33 would be someone he'd like to be friends with in the real world some day.

 **brainwaves:** Uhh.. did I miss something?

 **StaticMan:** You just missed a live stream of Zero confessing his love

 **4nicate:** I wouldn't really call that confessing.

 **Infinity33:** I would tbh

 **brainwaves:** Lmao, why do I always miss the good stuff?!

 **Zero:** I'll do it again if u'd like  
 **Zero:** Listen up everyone, zero is about to get romantic with y'all

 **4nicate:** Is this the part where I throw up?

 **Infinity33:** Lets hear it zero

 **StaticMan:** Yeah don't hold back Z

Kenny was already in the middle of typing a reply.

 **Zero:** I'll start with Static  
 **Zero:** I've known u since this app landed so there's only one thing I can rly say

 **StaticMan:** And what's that ?

 **Zero:** Balls deep

 **brainwaves:** LOL

 **StaticMan:** Wow you really weren't lying when you said this was going to be romantic

 **Zero:** Next is 4cate

 **4nicate:** I'm ready and fully prepared  
 **4nicate:** For my funeral.

 **Zero:** Ur user name says it all really  
 **Zero:** Hit me up, coz I'll fornicate with u anytime

 **4nicate:** Get in line then

 **Zero:** With me, u wont need a line ;) ;)

 **Infinity33:** Zero you should change your username to PIMP

 **Zero:** I tried  
 **Zero:** Was already taken:(

 **brainwaves:** Hahaha

 **StaticMan:** Lmaaao. Who's next then Romeo?

 **Zero:** Woa so I've gone from pimp to romeo in a matter of seconds?

 **4nicate:** Now it's trash can

 **Infinity33:** LOL savage

 **Zero:** Ok ok, next is finity

 **Infinity33:** Hang on let me get the lube 1 sec

 **StaticMan:** Siiiiick

 **brainwaves:** Lmao !

 **Zero:** Finity. Boy o finity where do I begin

Kenny pumped his thumbs across the screen with a smug grin forming his lips. He enjoyed having banter with these guys. Assuming they were all male. He actually had no idea. None of them did. By the way these four spoke online, Kenny could sense they were male. But he was never the one for jumping to conclusions. It wasn't like it mattered what their gender was. Or even how they really looked. It shouldn't have mattered and it didn't. However, every user secretly wanted to know what the other looked like.

Curiosity does a lot to the mind when knowledge is limited.

 _You are like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Oh the things I would do to you. Firstly, I would drop to my knees and beg for you to treat me like your pet. But of course, this is the virtual world so foreplay don't exist. Soz to disappoint. Let's just get right to the fucking then, shall we? Which position you ask? Ever heard of the cheese toasty position? Well it goes a little something like this.. To create a cheese toasty you need the cheese. Grated cheese. You know what sort of rhymes with grating? Grinding. Grinding my ass against your thick, juicy, irresistible, cyber~_

"KENNY, GET YER SKINNY ASS IN 'ERE RIGHT NOW!"

Kenny jolted, almost dropping his phone on his face. "Fuck sake, dad." He muttered and stood up. He selected the whole paragraph and deleted it within a second. He typed a quick reply.

 **Zero:** Sorry guys, gotta go

 **Zero has left chat room Spawn.**

 **StaticMan:** Hahaha

 **brainwaves:** Gutted Finity

 **Infinity33:** I am generally upset

 **4nicate:** Looks like you'll have to get your porn from somewhere else rofl.

 **Infinity33:** It's sadly looking that way

* * *

"Craig, could you please join the rest of your class mates?"

The raven looked up from his lap and stared blankly at the teacher. The rest of his class were now huddled around a rectangular table on the other side of the room. Where was he again? Oh yes, in school. Oh yes, in class. Oh yes, in science. Oh yes, _kill me now_. "Huh?"

"If you're not willing to participate in the experiment then there is really no point in you being here."

 _You're right._ Craig thought. _But I don't want to get a fucking disciplinary again and my grades are slipping._ "Sorry." He mumbled before typing out a quick reply.

 **4nicate:** Duty calls for me too. Catch you guys later.

 **4nicate has left chat room Spawn.**

 **Infinity33:** Duty calls? more like booty calls

 **StaticMan:** Lmao you wish

 **brainwaves:** Hey, did you guys hear about the convenience store that almost got robbed by a couple of high schoolers last night?

Cartman froze. He did hear about that. In fact, he was involved in that incident. Well, a little more than involved. He was there at the eye of the storm. Who the hell found out it was a couple of high schoolers? He had to play dumb.

 **Infinity33:** No? What store?

 **brainwaves:** The one near those old apartment buildings  
 **brainwaves:** There's a small convenience store that's owned by some old guy. They attempted to raid it but failed and no-one knows why  
 **brainwaves:** Was just wondering if anyone knew why

 **StaticMan:** I think I know the place. My aunt lives in one of those apartment buildings

Stan was lying. He had never been to the place in his life. Well, apart from last night. It was too far away from the main district of South Park so the boys never went there. But those in the chat didn't need to know that.

 **Infinity33:** I wonder why it didn't succeed

 **brainwaves:** Not sure  
 **brainwaves:** Maybe the cops got there before they could take anything

 **StaticMan:** Yeah  
 **StaticMan:** Or maybe they chickened out

 **Infinity33:** Which high school did they come from?

Cartman glared at the screen. Who the hell found out about that anyway? Was brainwaves Kenny? He had a habit of running his mouth to his friends about shit. And Kenny was still fairly angry over last night.. Cartman took himself back to last night's events..

 _/Flashback/_

"Dude, I swear to God, if we get caught-"

"We're not gonna get caught! Jeez, Kahl, you really need to start scooping that sand out of your vagin~"

"STOP SAYING I HAVE SAND IN MY VAGINA, CARTMAN!"

"Will you both shut the fuck up?" Stan snapped as he pulled into the side of a back alley road. "Is this the place, Ken?"

All four of them turned their heads to the right and saw what appeared to be an incredibly dark alleyway - the only light source emitting from a dim street lamp. This wasn't the nicer part of town. This was the shitty part of town.

"Yup!" He beamed and exited the car. "Stick to the plan guys. All I wanna do is get the money back to my dad."

"Isn't this technically a robbery?" Kyle hopped out of the vehicle, the idea suddenly making him feel uncomfortable.

"It's not stealing if you're taking back what was yours to begin with." Cartman replied, also stepping out of the vehicle, leaving Stan as the getaway driver.

"Right." Kenny agreed, "What he said." He swung the only weapon they brought with them - his brother's baseball bat - over his shoulder.

This wasn't Kenny's problem and he really didn't want to take part in what he was about to do. But his dad gave him no choice in the matter. It was either help get the money from the unpaid drug debtor, who's dad owned the store, or get kicked out of the house along with his sister. He wasn't about to let Karen become homeless over something so stupid.

"Masks on boys." The blonde indicated and pulled down a black balaclava over his head. The others did the same, including Stan. Kenny didn't want to risk any of his friends getting caught.

It should have been an easy job. Exploit the owner's son for being a methadone addict, threaten them, get the money and go. The small store had no CCTV. It was a privately owned business that stabilized just enough income to support the family. But somewhere along the way, Kyle and Cartman decided that it was the perfect time to have a dispute.

"Okay, nobody fucking move!" Kenny called out as the three clumsily barged through the back entrance of the shop. Neither of them knew what to expect, but it did look a little stupid when the only person in the shop was a 15 year old looking black kid standing behind the counter. The blonde blinked at him, feeling as though the baseball bat was slowly turning into an inflatable. The boy stared back at the other three, completely unfazed by the fact that this was supposed to be a burglary.

"..Dude, I thought your dad said this was owned by a Hispanic and his methy son?" Kenny felt Cartman's voice echo through his left ear.

"He did. Look, leave it to me." The blonde whispered back before taking a step closer to the clerk.

He cleared his throat and hoped for the best, "So, uh.. are you the guy that owes me money?"

Cartman scoffed "Well he's not gonna fucking say yes, is he?"

Kenny shook his head and huffed in annoyance. Cartman was supposed to be the muscle. So far he was being a pain in the ass. He ignored the comment made by his unhelpful friend. "Look, I don't care about your little sob story, okay? If you don't give me my fucking money, I'll.. I'll break your fucking legs off."

"Wow, that's a bit harsh, don't you think?" Kyle spoke, the compassion really showing in his voice. He received a harsh look from Kenny and a scoff from Cartman.

"You're such a fucking idiot."

"Hey, shut the fuck up, fatass."

"Well stop being so fucking soft then! ' _That's a bit harsh'"_ He mocked, "Do you even know where we are and what we're doing?"

"Yeah, but we're not a gang of god dam mobsters, Cartman!"

"What do you suggest we do? Walk in with bunnies on the leash, ice cream cones on our heads and threaten him with water pistols?! This isn't Butters' wet dream, Kahl!"

"Fuck you-"

" _Guys!_ " Kenny hissed, more pissed off at the pair than they were at each other. "Stop arguing, for fuck sake!"

"Well he started it!" Kyle exclaimed, pointing to the masked brunette.

"What do you mean, _I_ started it?!" Cartman snapped, pointing to himself as he took a step closer to Kyle. " _You're_ the one being a fucking Jew about everything!" He argued, gesturing an index finger at Kyle.

"Stop belittling my people!"

"I'm not! I'm belittling _you_!"

"Well _stop_!"

" _I'll_ _stop_ when _you_ _stop_ giving me a reason to!"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Kenny blew. He had enough. This was, by no means, sticking to the plan. His friends had just pissed him off. The only time Kenny needed them to do something and they couldn't even handle a simple task. Well.. simple enough.

Both Kyle and Cartman paused their argument for a moment and tore their death stares away to look at their irritated friend. Why was Kenny so angry for? According to Kyle and Cartman, this was perfectly normal. The blonde didn't regularly get angry at his friends, so whenever he lost his temper, it was usually important. The pair decided to comply for once and keep quiet until Kenny had breached the deal.

"Sorry 'bout that," The blonde apologized, gritting his teeth and turning back around to face the stoic clerk. What was wrong with this kid? This was a heist. Sort of. He should be startled! Angry! Shocked! Scared, the least. "Um.. where were we?"

The kid blinked and refused to respond for a good 10 seconds. He eventually replied in a very calm (too calm for Kenny's growing anxiety) manor. "Uh.. I think you got the wrong place. I heard you say somethin' about this being owned by a Hispanic and his son? Ain't no Hispanic ownership here. Shop's owned by Mr Chewstone."

Kenny frowned. What this a trick? "Mr who?"

"Mr Chewstone." The boy repeated. "Old fella. In his sixties. He a good guy, man. I wouldn't have him down as a meth addict though. He has no debts. Shit, not that I know of anyway."

Kenny paused. What the hell was he supposed to do now? Did the guy move? Did he sell up and fuck off out of town like the others usually did when they owed Stuart money? It was obvious by the response that this wasn't the right guy. The only alternative option was to take down this place instead.

It was an idea..

 _No._ Kenny thought. He knew his parents needed the money to pay off their own debts, but he wasn't about to ruin an old man's life. To an innocent boy who only worked here. Fuck it, he'd just have to earn the money some place else.

But the boy continued, "But I think the place you're looking for is the convenience store round the block from here. Think the guy that owns it goes by the name of Carlos or Cristobal or something like that. I go in there sometimes for a coke slurpee. To be honest, the place's a bit run down and-"

Kenny zoned out after the first sentence. _Round the block from here.. God dammit, we're at the wrong fucking place! Stan, you fucking idiot!_

"Fuck!" The blonde interrupted. "Wrong fuckin' place. Come on, let's go." He began to turn around and head back to the door they came through, but insisted on apologizing to the boy first. "Sorry about this, dude, didn't mean to get the wrong place. It's just my fucking driver fucked up the location."

The 15 year old looking boy shrugged it off. "Look, it's cool, I get it. It happens." That was a big relief. But then he added a little detail, "But I gotta admit, when you first came in, I was a bit startled, so I pressed the emergency button underneath here." The three looked down at the counter where the kid was tapping. "I mean, you seem pretty cool, but the cops are sorta on their way. Don't worry, though. I ain't no snitch. Secret's safe with me." The clerk patted his chest, indicating that this whole ordeal was going to be taken to the heart and all the way to the grave. "But for real, homie, you better leave. Like right now."

The three stood there, unable to process the information properly. The boy seemed so relaxed that maybe they should have just taken the money from here in the first place..

As if on cue, distant police sirens started to wail in the background. It took them a while to understand that those police sirens were for them. That the cops were coming. Coming for them.

* * *

Back in the car, Stan had his feet up on the dashboard, a suitable radio station finally chosen and a dirty magazine in his lap. He had to waste time somehow. Might as well spend the time observing Kenny's most favourite artifact.

"Boob job.. Boob job. Definitely boob job. Boob j-" He paused and tilted his head and magazine to get a better angle. "Yeah. I'd say boob job."

He jolted as the sound of all three doors opened. Before he could even look and analyze the situation, Kyle shouted from the back seat, "Go! Let's go, let's go!"

The car doors all slammed shut at the same time and Stan noticed how frantic they all were. He turned the keys in the ignition and sped away from the back streets and onto the main road. "What the hell happened? Did you get it?" He asked, confused. It looked as though they came out empty handed.

Cartman got straight to the point. "Good job, asshole."

Stan looked insulted. _What the hell did I do?_ He thought before receiving a light punch to his bicep.

"Yeah. _Great_ fuckin' job, Stan! You had one job. One fuckin' job! I asked y'all to do one simple fuckin' task and you couldn't even do it right! Ya'll really fucked this up for me and now I'm gon' get my ass kicked! Fucking-" Kenny vented, taking off the balaclava and revealing a very messy mop of blonde hair. "Wrong fuckin' place my ass." He mumbled, combing a hand through the slightly damp strands of hair. What a nightmare.

 _What?_ What did he mean wrong- _Oh._ "Oh." Stan spoke out loud, the realization sinking in. _Shit, my bad_. He shamelessly confessed. He hadn't had any second thoughts when he saw the place from the front. A convenience store was a convenience store. What was the difference? Though, he wasn't about to admit that out loud. Not to a currently pissed Kenny anyway.

But Kenny wasn't as angry as he was making out. In fact, he was glad they got the wrong place. He didn't want to do this sort of thing. Especially not for a living. He was a good person. Well, for the most part. He just wanted his parents to stop being assholes and get real jobs. But life wasn't as simple as that, clearly.

"Sorry, Kenny." Kyle confessed after a long while of silence.

"Yeah, me too." Stan followed, almost instantly.

"Same here, dude." Cartman, also apologising. The three knew how much this meant for Kenny and they all knew how much he desperately didn't want to go through with it. The three knew the blonde more than anyone else, so when he asked them all for help, it was genuine that he needed them.

Kenny leaned into his seat and sighed. "S'fine guys." He calmly accepted their apologies and turned to look out of the window.

By now, they had all removed their masks, but it was after some time when Cartman had come up with a suggestion. "We'll go again tomorrow night. This time, we'll make sure Stan gets the right place. Isn't that right, _Marsh_?"

Stan gripped the steering wheel. Not out of anger, but out of guilt. He really fucked up. "Yeah. Promise I wont fuck it up this time, Ken." He offered a sympathetic smile to his friend sitting in shot gun.

"We'll do it properly." Kyle joined in.

"Strategically." Cartman added.

"Exactly." The redhead nodded, "I've got a plan. Cartman and I will go in first and you follow through shouting your thing. It depends how many people are in there, but I doubt there will be many people considering it will be early hours of the morning. So when you-"

"No." Kenny cut in. He didn't want that.

"...Huh?" Kyle took a slight offense to his friend's firm tone. He hadn't even fully explained his idea yet. But there was no need to in Kenny's eyes.

"I said no. I want Stan with me. After the stunt you both pulled in there, I don't want you two anywhere near each other."

Cartman shrugged. That was fair enough. Kyle was offended by that comment, but only by a small degree. Having the two apart was probably a better idea. Scratch that, it _was_ a better idea.

"Okay." Kyle said slowly, "So Stan and I will go in first-"

" _No._ " Kenny interrupted again. "Stan and Cartman will go in first. No offense, dude. It's just Cartman's a bit of a tank, that's all. Might need him."

"..I see." Kyle replied. Now he _was_ offended. He wasn't some weak ass punk that couldn't defend himself if anything were to happen. And what did he mean by _might need him_ anyway?! It was a tiny shop owned by some middle aged man and his meth addicted son! He folded his arms and decided not to say another word. _Getaway driver? More like fucking baby sitter._ He rambled to himself.

After agreeing on where to meet, they all parted ways after Stan dropped them all off at his house. It was his way home where a small sized company vehicle came blasting into the side of Kenny's body. The blonde's body was thrown meters into the air before splattering all over the concrete road, dying almost instantly. He could have _sworn_ that truck came out of no-where. _Serves me right for jaywalking_. Kenny's last thought lingered and just as he was drifting into unconsciousness, he took one last look at the truck and from the corner of his eye, he read in thick bold lettering, the words _"Chewstone's Convenience Stores!"_

"You've got to be _fuckin' kidding me_."

* * *

 **brainwaves:** Maybe the cops got there before they could take anything

 **StaticMan:** Yeah  
 **StaticMan:** Or maybe they chickened out

 **Infinity33:** Which high school did they come from?

 **brainwaves:** Dunno  
 **brainwaves:** It's probably all fake anyways

 **StaticMan:** Yeah  
 **StaticMan:** Probably

The bell signalled the end of the school day. _Phew_. Kyle thought as he folded his book. Time to go home.

 **brainwaves:** Anyways, I'm off. See you guys later.. though maybe not tonight because I've got a date. [Hand wave emoji]

On the field, Stan picked himself up from his hiding spot and began to head back to the changing rooms. Time to go home and have a repeat of yesterday. Only this time, he _wouldn't_ fuck the location up.

 **StaticMan:** Bye bwaves  
 **StaticMan:** I'm out too. Going to a concert with my friends.

 **brainwaves has left chat room Spawn.**

 **Infinity33:** Have fun

 **StaticMan:** !Static out!

 **StaticMan has left chat room Spawn.**

Cartman opened the back door to his house and stepped inside. Time to get ready for a heist. Sort of. Not really, but that sounded much cooler than _rob some guy that has a 400 dollar drug debt from Kenny's dad that also has a drug debt of god-knows-how-much._

 **Infinity33 has left chat room Spawn.**

 **There is no-one left in this chat room.**

 **quicksecs has entered chat room Spawn.**

 **quicksecs:** YO YO  
 **quicksecs:** fuck, did I miss everything?  
 **quicksecs:** oo a concert?!  
 **quicksecs:** i wanna come/!/!/!/!  
 **quicksecs:** well have fun, static  
 **quicksecs:** oh shit, theres a mysterious towel talking to me!  
 **quicksecs:** gotta go!

 **quicksecs has left chat room Spawn.**

 **There is no-one left in this chat room.**

Clyde pocketed his phone and gladly took the joint that Tweek had offered him. "Wanna get high?" The twitchy blonde said in a croaky voice. The pair laughed at the inside joke before proceeding to do just that. Get baked.

* * *

Only really occurred to me that this may be confusing to read at some points.

I didn't want to completely differentiate how the characters act online to how they act canonly(?). I wanted to keep that familiarity there

 **We shall meet again. Peace !**


	2. Give Me My Money

**A/N:** This is gonna be some juiiicccy shit, mm ye, you kno how I like that juiceee mm

Tysm for them sexy favs, follows and reviews, tyty !

* * *

 _Chapter Two - Give Me My Money_

 **Welcome to The ASS! - The Anonymous Social Site, the site where you can converse with anonymous users while keeping your identity unknown! Please enter your username and password..**

 **USERNAME: Tuxedo?  
PASSWORD: XXXXXXXX**

 **Tuxedo? has entered chat room Collapse.**

 **Tuxedo?:** Anyone about this evening?

Token picked up the white towel that was left folded neatly for him on one of the poolside tables. It was nice to have someone wait on you hand and foot whenever you liked. Oh, how the other half lived. Droplets discarded from his forehead and dripped onto his brightly glowing phone screen. He picked up the fluffy fabric and wrapped it around his waste before taking a seat on one of the many cushioned deck chairs.

It was fairly quiet for a Tuesday night. Normally the chat rooms were beaming with all sorts of chat users. It was rare for Token to be the first one to log on. He normally arrived amongst a heated discussion. A heated discussion that mainly involved everyone ripping on 4nicate. A user he got on well with.

 **Semicolon has joined chat room Collapse.**

 **Semicolon:** Yello Tux!

 **Tuxedo?:** Hey colon, how're you today?

 **Semicolon:** I'm good, thx!  
 **Semicolon:** Have you heard the news?

 **Tuxedo?:** News? What news?

 **Semicolon:** There's been a huge fight downtown!

 **Tuxedo?:** Huh? Wait, really?

 **Semicolon:** Shit, gotta go!

 **Semicolon has left chat room Collapse.**

Token frowned. _What was that all about?_ A fight? A fight about what? How long ago? Involving who? Was anyone hurt? Were the police involved? They must have been if the word was spreading so quickly. That was interesting. Curiosity was getting the better of Token and he wanted to know more. His hopes for someone leaking answers had lifted as someone else had entered the chat room. However, it wasn't what Token had expected..

 **StaticMan has joined chat room Collapse.**

 **Tuxedo?:** Static! I just heard, you know anything about this fight?

 **StaticMan has left chat room Collapse.**

 _The fuck? That was weird._ Token thought, his frown deepening. Where the hell was everyone?!

* * *

"Look, if Google Maps says it's the right place, then it's the right fucking place!"

"Alright, no need to get anal about it, Stan."

"Fuck you." Stan threw his middle finger up at Cartman in a very, Craig like, manor. It was early hours in the morning, but that was a good thing. It would be kind of illogical to perform a heist during the middle of lunch break. If you could call it a heist, that was.

After ranting and raving to himself about how it was totally unfair that Kenny saw Cartman as better muscle than him, Kyle finally came to his senses. Sort of. Well, not really. It was obvious he was still pissed off when he arrived purposely late at Kenny's house earlier that evening.

"Look, dude. It's nuthin' personal, okay? It's just Cartman knows how to fight and~"

 _I know how to fight_. Kyle retorted in his mind. "It's fine." He sighed. Of course it wasn't. It wasn't _fine_ at all! He completely ignored the fact that being the getaway driver was less risky and perhaps safer, because the only thing Kyle could focus on was _Why the fuck is he picking Cartman over me?!_ More importantly, why was it bothering him so much? He couldn't help but think it was due to the fact that Cartman was a massive asshole and everyone still gave him the benefit of the doubt most of the time.

"I'm trusting you with my car, dude." Stan said, chucking the keys to Kyle through the driver window.

"I'll be sure to give it back in the same condition as it is now. And by that, I mean second hand, slightly dented and hella hoarded with all your junk."

Stan rolled his eyes. His car wasn't _that_ bad. It was better than what any of the other three had anyway.

"Come on, guys." Kenny took a deep breath before pulling down the same balaclava as the night before. Cartman, Stan and Kyle all copied. Once Kenny went over the plan and announced his satisfaction on everyone's final positions and roles, he took the lead towards the back alley of the convenience store. The correct convenience store this time.

The blonde pulled on the handle of the back door, only to find it locked. He cussed and tried again. Nothing. It was stiff and wasn't budging and inch. The lock was too specific to pick too which meant there was no way in.

Stan and Cartman exchanged looks. Stan slowly shook his head, gesturing for the brunette to keep his mouth shut and opt out on making some snarky comment to this already failed plan. This was a stressful time for Kenny and he didn't want Cartman making the blonde feel any worse than he already was.

But Cartman didn't like being told what to do. He narrowed his eyes at Stan before turning around and saying, "Looks like we're gonna have to use the front door."

Kenny spun around in a panic. "What? Naw, that's too fucking obvious!"

"Well what do you suggest we do? Magically wait for that door to pick itself and let us in? I don't think so, poorboy."

The blonde frowned at the back of Cartman's head. _Motherfucking_ _asshole._

But he had a point. The only way in would be through the front door. He glanced at Stan for any sense of guidance, but the raven gave him nothing but a shrug. In Stan's position, he was just as clueless to the whole thing as Kyle was 24 hours ago.

Kenny inwardly weighed up the pros and cons before he eventually gave in. "Fine." He whispered through gritted teeth and followed the brunette out of the back alley. The three headed round to the front of the store and that was where Kenny took the lead again.

The main entrance was panelled with two large pieces of glass and inside, a bright light illuminated the whole shop. There was no hiding in this small building. There was no time for sightseeing, however, as they wanted to get in and out as quick as possible.

Kenny was the first to enter and just like the night before, he came in demanding money for an unpaid debt.

But as he reached the cashier counter, he was greeted with something very unexpected. The guy at the counter did look Mexican, just like his father had described. _Shop's owned by some Hispanic n' his son. You'll be able to knock em' out if ya needed to, no problem._ Seeing the man before him and hearing those words echo through his mind made his anger boil, his teeth clench and his fists tighten. His father was a liar. This guy wasn't some puny pre-adult addicted to methadone like Stuart had made out. _Trust me, son. 5ft 5ish, 140lbs max. Son's still got acne. Kenny, I'm fuckin' telling ya, you can do this! And if you don't-_ The person standing before him certainly wasn't a teenager. And certainly wasn't 140lbs! He was a tall, tanned, hunky, bald looking Mexican freak. Not the sort of person you'd want to drop your soap in front of and definitely not the sort of person you'd want to pick a fight with either. Even Cartman was surprised at how big the guy was. But Kenny was desperate and it was too late to turn back now. He had to play the confidence card, because there was no way he was leaving here _without_ a dime.

The man at the counter didn't look remotely threatened, however. And that was a bad sign. A very bad sign. What did it take to scare someone nowadays? A gun?!

A _gun_. The word crossed Kenny's mind and sunk into the back of his head. It could be something to invest on.

"You know what you owe." The blonde spoke through gritted teeth. "And I want it. _Now_."

The guy didn't speak. He simply continued to chew on the cocktail stick and observe the three boys with minimal interest. Kenny knew this was the guy by the simple fact of the way he looked and lack of denial. The Hispanic's eyes were bloodshot and droopy and there was no way he was on prescribed medication. He was on some cooked shit. Maybe that's why he was unresponsive.

After a short while of uncomfortable silence, Kenny stepped forward - frowning, angry and unsure if he was about to do the right thing. He lifted up the baseball bat he carried with him from the night before and swung it into a postcard stand that stood next to the counter. Who the fuck buys postcards in South Park anyway? _That should do the trick_. Kenny encouraged himself. That had to have earned him a flinch or something.

But he was wrong. The cashier cracked up into a histerical laughter. His voice was croaky, as if it had been smoked to death by cigars. That angered Kenny even more.

"You think this is fuckin' funny?!" He raised the bat again, only to smash it onto the candy bar shelf that situated across the top of the counter.

He laughed again.

So Kenny swung again. This time, knocking over and destroying the magazine rack.

More laughter.

Another swing.

More laughter.

Another swing.

Kenny had lost all control of his temper. He was battering the shit out of the shop while Cartman and Stan stood and watched from the sidelines. Stan wanted to pull him back and tell him enough was enough. They weren't here to trash, just to collect. But he also felt bad. Kenny was desperate and Stan, Cartman and Kyle all knew that. The frustration was understandable so they both left the blonde to do what he had to do.

From the corner of his eye, Cartman spotted a black vehicle pull up on the other side of the road. _That's odd._ The rest of the street was empty, no-one should be out at this time. Unless you're a crack head, of course. He spotted a trio climb out of the car and head their way towards the shop. The shop Cartman was currently standing in. The shop they were _supposed_ to be taking money from.

And that was when Cartman noticed the same familiar ethnic group he so loathed. They were Hispanics. The brunette put two and two together almost instantly and launched for Kenny's shoulder.

The blonde, out of breath, turned to shove his friend away, but as he turned around, he also noticed the same group of people heading towards their way. What a pleasant coincidence.

"Fuck." The three watched as the three large men entered the shop without a word.

Stan's mind didn't click as fast as Kenny and Cartman's. He just felt sorry for the person that would have to clean up the mess a certain blonde had made on his little rampage.

"Yo, hermanos, looks like we got ourselves some problema here, hm?" The middle man spoke in a thick Spanish accent. It matched his _I-look-hard-with-a-white-tank-top-but-I'm-really-a-mommy's-boy_ identity.

Kenny's eyebrows drew closer together and his eyes narrowed. "As a matter of fact, _yeah_. We do."

The Hispanic glanced at Kenny's wingmen and smirked. "Oh really? What seems to be the problem, amigo? We're all friends here, you can tell me."

Cartman felt he couldn't let Kenny deal with a guy who was almost twice the size of him. The poor blonde would go flying through the wall if this guy decided to take a swing. He decided to speak up, "The fuck's it got to do with you, _amigo_?"

The mocking didn't go unnoticed. The leader of the trio abandoned his fixation on Kenny and took a step closer to the brunette instead. But Cartman didn't feel patronised. In fact, he felt challenged. He straightened his posture as there was no way he was to allow this guy to speak down to him.

"You wanna talk like that, hm? If I were you, hermano, I'd keep my mouth shut. You know who owns this fucking store, huh?"

"I don't give a shit." The brunette spat. "Newsflash princess, you ask for a loan, you pay it back. Surprise! That's how the world works, you fucking tic tac."

There was a pause. A moment for Cartman's new rival to process the blunt insult. But instead of directly replying like a decent person, the Hispanic turned to the cashier, who was, no doubt, his friend. Or brother. Or cousin. Or whatever. Why do they always stick together anyway? The pair conversed in Spanish for a moment, before the man at the cashier pulled out his phone and dialed a number. Kenny assumed it was backup.

This place was definitely used as a drug storage, Kenny concluded. A small convenience store owned by a gang of Spanish outlaws? Totally not dodgy. There was no sign of CCTV or sensors or any source of alarm, so the guy behind the cashier must have pressed an emergency button of some sort and that must have been why his three homies had turned up so quick.

Shit.

 _Shit, shit, shit, shit!_

"Dude, we're so fucking dead." Cartman whispered so only Kenny could hear. The blonde nodded, knowing full well what they had gotten themselves into. Well, what Kenny had gotten his friends into.

Stan hadn't moved since they entered the shop. The Hispanics stood inbetween him and his two friends. He knew that when Kenny would give the signal, he would be on his own. The four had spoken about a Split & Run! technique, but there was no official signal they had come up with. Stan was hoping Kenny would do the right thing. Otherwise, they were all getting their asses kicked for sure.

Considering how quick these three gang members (or whatever the hell they were) turned up, Kenny knew they had very little time to escape before even more backup were to arrive. Wasn't four against three fair enough as it was?

Kenny needed to indicate the signal. He knew Cartman was beside him, so he stepped closer to him and gently stepped on his foot. Saying anything would alert them and he really didn't want that. He could sense the brunette's understanding by the soft grunt he received. Cartman was preparing for his great escape. It was every man for himself now.

Stan noticed this action and looked Kenny in the eye. The blonde simply nodded and shifted his eyes towards the transparent front doors they arrived through. That was enough for Stan to understand his instructions.

The three glanced at one another, waiting for someone to make the first move. It looked as though the four Hispanics were too involved in their humorous conversation because none of them noticed the sudden shifty and very tense atmosphere.

 _Three.._

It was only a matter of time before the arrival of backup.

 _Two.._

Stan was closer to the front door than Kenny and Cartman. It was time to go.

 _One._

He decided to bolt for it.

"Yo, he's getting away, amigo!"

That distraction was Kenny and Cartman's only way of escape. They bolted for the back door.

Stan shot off like road runner. He slammed the door as hard as he could on the way out and it succeeded as a decoy. Whoever was chasing him must be pretty pissed off with a glass door now slammed to the face. But that was none of Stan's business..

The raven knew he wouldn't be able to outrun the vehicle those Hispanic's were no doubt going to use. So what was going to give him the best opportunity of getting away? A vehicle.

Stan ran for Kyle.

Meanwhile, Cartman had his back against the door of the cramped storage room, giving it his all to hold back the two thugs trying to barge their way in. Kenny tore through boxes and cupboards to search for the key to the door. The one that lead to the back alley. The door that was supposed to be their way in. It didn't matter anymore, the results of tonight would have probably ended the same way.

"Can't you search any faster?! I mean, I know I'm buff and all, but I can't hold this thing forever."

"Working on it!" Kenny spat, slamming one draw shut, opening another and rummaging through.

"Just kick it open God dammit!"

" _I can't!_ I don't think you've noticed, but that door isn't exactly designed for people to walk in and out whenever they want a free candy bar, fatass!"

Cartman groaned, feeling the wood crack between his shoulder blades. They were running out of time.

Kenny tore through a box half filled with magazines before tipping it upside down in hopes of finding any sort of key. _There must be one here somewhere!_

Kyle heard his name being called from a distance. He opened his eyes from his powernap and turned to where he heard the noise come from. Right in his view, he spotted Stan sprinting towards him, bellowing out some nonsense. He was making some sort of hand gesture and he could just make out the words "Turn it on!". And that was when Kyle realized that Kenny and Cartman weren't with him.

Kyle turned the keys in the ignition the same time Stan launched himself into the car.

"Go, go!"

"But what about~"

"No time to explain - just go!"

Kyle accelerated, almost stalling the car doing so and sped off into the empty main road. In the distance behind them, they could see the black vehicle drawing closer. It was a lot faster than Stan's car, no doubt, so it wasn't long before they caught up. Kyle panicked.

"Holy shit, the fuck do we do, Stan?!"

Stan was just as anxious, perhaps even more so. "I don't know, man! I've never done this before!"

"And you think _I_ have?!"

"Well I don't know what you get up to in your spare time!"

"I hang out with _you_ in my spare time!"

Stan tore his eyes off the gaining thugs behind. "Ahh, fuck!"

 _This has to be a joke._ Stan thought. It had to be! For the first time in his life, he generally understood how Craig felt that one time in Peru.

Stan withdrew his phone from his pocket and unlocked his phone. His thumbs clumsily bounced around the screen, opening different apps stored on his phone. Somewhere along the way, he had accidentally clicked onto a chat room on The ASS.

"What are you doing?!"

Stan quickly hit the home button, scrolled and clicked into another folder. He was a sucker for hoarding games and unnecessary apps on his phone. "I'm trying to find Kenny's number!-

"How the hell is that gonna help us?!"

"I don't know, I thought maybe we could~" Stan threw his hands up, lost for words. He hadn't a clue why he thought calling Kenny would help their situation.

Just as they started to feel sorry for themselves, Kyle sparked an idea. He grabbed onto the clutch and muttered "Fuck this." before shifting gear and speeding up. They turned through corners and road splits in hopes of losing the ones after them. It was a gradual accomplishment, but thanks to Kyle's witty navigation, they managed to escape after half an hour of playing cat and mouse.

 _Success._

"There! It's right there!" Cartman nodded towards a small shiny object that was poking out from under a pile of trash Kenny had previously made. The blonde followed the direction his friend was indicating and flung towards it. The whole room was trashed and Kenny was surprised Cartman had even spotted it. He snatched it from the ground and held it between his thumb and index finger, taking a moment to inwardly thank this miracle for saving their lives. For some reason, it looked almost too obvious to miss. He pushed it into the air lock and after some twisting, turning and wiggling of the handle, the door eventually swung open.

He turned to Cartman and nodded. "We just gotta fuckin' leg it, dude."

The brunette nodded with a grunt. In his head, he was dividing a plan for himself. It was either run with Kenny and risk both of them being caught and ripped to shreds.. or telling Kenny to go on ahead and attempt to fight back the- No. Fuck that, he wasn't doing that. _I'm not getting myself beat up because of Kenny's junkie, skanky parents._ Besides, Cartman knew it wasn't a problem if Kenny died. He was the only one that knew that, but still knew, nonetheless.

The brunette picked the perfect moment to leg it, because the pair were out of there before the Hispanics even kicked the door down. It was locked, so it gave Cartman a bit of time.

"The fuck is the Jew?!"

"Shit, Stan must have told him to go!"

Cartman growled in anger as they stopped by the area Kyle was originally parked in. "I knew we couldn't rely on that good for nothing Jew!"

"It ain't his fault." Kenny snapped. After all, that was the whole point of the Split & Run! rule.

But this was no time to discuss politics, because in the shadows of the dark alley, they could hear the echoing of yelling drawing louder and louder, which only meant they were getting closer and closer.

"Aw, shit." Kenny cussed and slapped Cartman on the shoulder. "Let's go."

Without another word, the two ran together through another dark alley. From there, they jogged through empty streets and unlit roads until they hit the more familiar part of town. Now they knew where they were, Cartman slowed down to a halt to catch his breath. He bent forward and dropped his hands to his knees and tried to steady his breathing.

"Dude, stop. I think we're fine now." He said in between breaths. But Kenny wasn't convinced.

"Come on." The blonde urged, grabbing his friend by the arm and helped him along. Well, if you could call dragging and pulling impatiently as help. Cartman couldn't help but frown at the fact that Kenny wasn't even remotely out of breath after all that running they had just done. _Fast metabolism, my ass._ He thought as he shook the blonde away.

"We have to keep going."

"Agh. Look, you see those people over there?" The brunette pointed towards a group of girls that were walking away from them, further down the street. Kenny nodded in acknowledgement, so Cartman continued, "That's our safety zone. If we get caught, we just run to them. No-one starts a fight when there's witnesses about."

Kenny glanced at the group ahead of them before laying his eyes back on Cartman. "I don't feel comfortable with this."

The brunette had to hold back the urge of punching his friend in the face. It wasn't like Kenny had just asked him to lay his life down on the line to save his family's sorry ass from a shitty debt that had nothing to do with Kenny, let alone Cartman, Kyle and Stan.

"Dude, I've done this a million times. Plus, if we take off these masks then they wont recognise us. It'll be like we're lovers that are out for a nice stroll in the city."

Kenny scoffed, "Okay, one, we don't live in a city. Two, who goes for a fucking stroll at 3am?!"

"Well, _those_ people for a start!" Cartman pointed to the people ahead of them.

"Okay, then explain this." Kenny pulled off the balaclava, revealing flushed cheeks and a mess of dirty blonde hair. It was a relieving feeling to have the cool air gently blow against his damp face. Wearing masks were stuffy things, not to mention they ruin a perfectly smoking hot hairstyle. "Even with these masks off, don't you think it's gon' look the slightest bit abnormal when they come across one fat guy and one skinny guy dressed all in black, all hot 'n sweaty, with a fuckin' baseball bat in one hand and balaclavas in the other walking away from the bad side of town? Description's a bit too similar to brush off as 'two gay lovers taking a fuckin' stroll at 3 in the fuckin' mornin'', don'tcha think?"

Cartman blinked. Okay, so maybe he had a point. But there was no need to get all personal about their appearances. "I'm not fat." Was all he said. Kenny gritted his teeth and was ready to implode on himself. But instead of lashing out on how serious this whole situation was to him, he sighed and gave in. He was too tired to argue.

The brunette too took his mask off. Together, they walked in silence through the downtown streets of South Park. The bitter air was becoming colder by the minute so it wasn't long before their bodies began to shiver and their breath begin to emit large clouds of mist. This subsequently caused their pace to speed up in order to get the blood pumping through their bodies. Just as they approached the group of people ahead of them, the sound of tires roughly drifting across tarmac came from behind them along with a bellowing of noise. They both turned around at the same time and watched as the vehicle drew closer.

"Yo, yo! Look who it is, hermanos!"

"Oh fuck." Kenny cursed and turned to see Cartman already pegging it the other way. Despite knowing he had a very slim chance of outrunning the car, he ran after the brunette anyway. _What a fortunate way to end the fuckin' night_ , the blonde concluded.

"Ow, watch it! Jeez, learn some fucking manors, asshole!" A girl cried out as Cartman shoved past the group of girls. The brunette didn't glance back, but Kenny did when he bumped into the same girl.

The girl happened to be someone he knew very well.

"Shit, sorry Wendy." He called out, earning a confused look in return.

"Kenny? Wait, what are you doing here?"

"Uh, there's been a huge fight downtown!" The blonde barely explained, as he gestured a quick wave goodbye.

"A fight? Hey, wait~" She jogged a few metres to catch up, but it was too late. Kenny was gone.

Wendy stopped in her tracks as a dark vehicle drove past, the wind forcefully blowing her hair behind her shoulders. The cold sent a chill running through her spine. What was going on? Who was Kenny running with? More importantly, what _was_ he running from? She was certain that car was involved somehow as there was no-one else around.

"Hey, Wendy! Who was that?" Bebe called from behind.

Wendy, bewildered by what just happened, turned around and returned back to her group of friends. There was only one way to find out.

 **USERNAME: Semicolon**  
 **PASSWORD: XXXXXXX**

 **Semicolon has joined chat room Collapse.**

 **Semicolon:** Yello Tux!

 **Tuxedo?:** Hey colon, how're you today?

 **Semicolon:** I'm good, thx!  
 **Semicolon:** Have you heard the news?

 **Tuxedo?:** News? What news?

 **Semicolon:** There's been a huge fight downtown!

 **Tuxedo?:** Huh? Wait, really?

Wendy smiled to herself. She hated to admit it, but she loved gossip. It was the only entertaining thing in this whole town - in her eyes anyway. However, she wasn't as bad as Bebe. Everyone knew that. The only difference between the two, was that everyone knew Bebe couldn't be trusted with information involving people's problems. Wendy, on the other hand, could be. It was the caring and sweet personality she had that gained the trust of her fellow friends.

"Come on, Wendy. Let's go!"

She jumped and peered up to see her friends way ahead of her, beckoning for her to catch up.

 **Semicolon:** Shit, gotta go!

 **Semicolon has left chat room Collapse.**

* * *

"I don't care what your parents say. We're _not_ doing that again. Got it?" Cartman told Kenny. It was more of a statement rather than a question, but Kenny nodded anyway.

"I don't know how we managed to get away with that one." The blonde remarked, staggering towards Cartman's kitchen sink to pour himself a glass of water. Running away from thugs was thirsty work. "I'm staying here tonight." He added.

The brunette shrugged and sauntered into the living room. "Lock the door when you're done. You know where the blankets are."

Kenny hummed in response and watched Cartman leave the room until he was out of sight. As Kenny turned on the taps, he re-winded the past couple of hours through his mind. They had gotten away without a mark again, which was great. The only problem was.. Kenny still didn't have the money.

He had to think of another way.


	3. Is That A Temper I Can Smell Burning?

**A/N:** Awesome messages, ty for those!

Look, I know you've probably got some questions in this chapter. My advice? Shove it up your- jus kidding! Embrace the confusion and let yourself sway to the beat of hawaiian music

Yeah anyway, back to the matter. Prayin I aint made any spelling mistakes fff

(Hope you haven't forgotton everyone's usernames already)

* * *

 _Chapter Three - Is That A Temper I Can Smell Burning?_

 **Welcome to The ASS! - The Anonymous Social Site, the site where you can converse with anonymous users while keeping your identity unknown! Please enter your username and password..**

 **USERNAME: Zero**  
 **PASSWORD: XXXXXX**

 **Zero has joined chat room Stitch.**

 **4nicate:** It's fucking huge, I'm telling you.

 **Infinity33:** It's not that big

 **4nicate:** Yeah. It is.

 **Zero:** What's so fucking huge

 **quicksecs:** my deck

 **Zero:** I think I'll be the judge of that ty

 **Infinity33:** It's a shame u cant send photos, I'd like to see that

 **4nicate:** Yeah, you would, wouldn't you.

 **quicksecs** : loool  
 **quicksecs:** dont worry ladies, there's plenty of me to go around ;) ;) ;)

 **4nicate:** I think I'd rather kill myself.

 **quicksecs:** now now, don't be like that :(

 **Zero:** 4cate, ur an actual mood killer lmao

"You know, yer fuckin' lucky Stuart didn't find out about last week, Ken."

Kenny pulled his attention away from his phone to see his brother - Kevin - roll out from underneath the car he was working on. Kevin was a mechanic at a small car garage in town. It didn't pay too well, but it was a job, nonetheless. More than what Kenny had anyway.

"If it weren't for me, Karen would have been taken away and _we_ wouldn't have anywhere to live."

Kenny sighed. He was grateful for having his brother dig into his own savings to pay off their parent's debt and house rent. But at the same time, it wasn't Kenny's fault they were all in debt in the first place. There were times where it frustrated him how everyone always pointed the blame towards him for not trying hard enough. Middle child problems. "Look, I've already thanked you like a dozen times for that. What more do you want me to say?"

"I just don't understand what the fuckin' problem was? All you hadda' do was collect some dough from a shitty, run-down store. I've done it a hundred times and ain't had no trouble doin' it."

"You mean, you ain't had no trouble from dad. I've seen you come back with bruises and shit before, so don't lie to me."

Kevin wiped his oily face with a dirty cloth and grabbed a half empty water bottle from one of the worktops. "At least I have a job." He said, taking a sip.

"Dude, I'm seventeen. Besides, the fuck has that got to do with anything?"

"Almost eighteen. Anyway, that's no excuse. I was working at the age of fifteen."

"Yeah, selling pot. Which you still do, so it doesn't really count."

"Oh yeah? And who do I sell to?" Kenny tore his eyes away from his brother and bowed his head in shame. "Yeah, that's what I thought. I was no where near as bad as you when I was your age. You're like some fuckin' pot head, man. Always off yer face."

"Hey." The blonde snapped and frowned up at his brother. "I don't smoke _that_ much, okay? Most of it goes to my friends and weasels at school as I'm a reliable resource."

"Your friends smoke too?"

"Naw, not all of them. But that reminds me.."

* * *

"So where's the poor boy at?" Cartman asked, taking a break from his phone and looking up at his friends from accross the table.

"Think he said he was going to see his brother at lunch." Kyle responded, biting into a chocolate covered cereal bar.

"What for?"

"Tweek asked him for some hash, or something. I don't really know."

The brunette digested the information given to him before shrugging in response. Tweek was a weird kid. Scatty, dysfunctional and just generally fucked up. Easy money for someone like Kenny.

"Do you think he's alright?" Stan piped up, tearing his eyes away from Wendy who was sat with her back to him halfway across the cafeteria.

"Who, Tweek?" Kyle questioned. "How should I know?"

Kyle's attitude had been rather snappy lately, Stan noticed. He'd have to ask him about that later. Stan shook his head and looked at his irritated friend. "No, I meant Kenny."

"Oh." Kyle swallowed and took another bite. "Uh, yeah. Well he seems pretty normal to me. You hang out with him more than we do though, right fatass?"

 **Infinity33:** Yo does anybody kno what time Skeeter's bar closes tonight?

 **quicksecs:** uh  
 **quicksecs:** dunno check the website

 **Infinity33** : I looked, it doesn't have a website

 **quicksecs** : oh lol  
 **quicksecs:** well its a friday so probs like 3am

 **Zero:** 4am on Fridays, 5am on Saturdays

"Earth to Cartman!"

The brunette jumped slightly and quickly typed a reply.

 **Infinity33:** K thanks  
 **Infinity33:** Gotta go, bye guys

 **Infinity33 has left chat room Stitch.**

"Sorry, what? I wasn't listening."

Kyle glanced between Cartman and the phone until it was pocketed back into his jeans. The redhead narrowed his eyes when he felt a sense of shiftyness. It didn't take him long to come to the conclusion that Cartman was definitely up to something.

"Who're you texting?" Kyle asked, abandoning his original question.

Cartman merely blinked at him. _It's none of your goddam business, nosey Jew._ He wanted to say. But Kyle was in a stressy mood - more stressy than usual and he really didn't feel like having the Jew bitch at him in the middle of lunch.

"Uh, my girlfriend."

"You don't have a girlfriend."

"Don't I? Oh yeah." The brunette picked up the other half of his sandwich and chose to ignore the perplexed glare Kyle was sending him.

 **Zero:** Cya fin

 **4nicate:** I've never been so fuckin' tired in my whole life.

 **quicksecs:** yh well that's what happens when u stay up all night jacking off to midget porn lol

 **Zero:** Lmfao

 **quicksecs:** [Laughing emoji]

"What's tickled you?" Token nudged his friend with his elbow and tried to look down to see what was so funny, but Clyde pushed him away.

"Nothing, it's just a meme."

"A meme? Tag me in it, Clyde." Tweek spoke as he crushed the can of the third energy drink in a row. Clyde nodded at the blonde and slowly scanned the rest of their table. He was sitting next to Token who sat opposite Tweek. On some days Kevin Stoley and Thomas would join them, but today wasn't one of them. The table seemed quiet. Empty. There was someone on the table that was missing..

"Where's Craig?"

"Detention."

"What, again?"

Token nodded. "Fourth time this week."

"Whadda he do this time?"

"Flipped off his math teacher." Tweek said. Detention was becoming a habit with Craig. He wasn't loud or disruptive, but rude. He would refuse to comply to tasks or group activities unless he found it beneficial. And most of the time, it wasn't. However, he wasn't a stupid guy. Though his grades would slip now and again, he was a rather logical person and observed a lot of his surroundings. He did enjoy learning, but not subjects that went along with the school curriculum. Which was the reason why he liked to skip class and learn about the things that interested him in his own time. Like space.

"Am I free to go yet?" Craig inquired irritably. His head was resting on his arm that slouched across the desk. He'd been here for forty five minutes now, which was completely unreasonable. Clearly, his teacher was a sadist.

"If you ask me that one more time, Craig, I will have you back here tomorrow."

"Tomorrow is Saturday."

Craig's technicality was ignored. Obviously his teacher wasn't up for chit-chat. Neither was he, but forty five minutes was a long time for a detention and there was absoloutely no way to kill time. Actually, there was one thing he had been doing for the past half an hour...

 **Zero:** Nothin worse than getting caught jacking off to porn

 **4nicate:** Actually, there is

 **Zero:** Oh yeah?

 **4nicate:** Yeah. Being stuck in a room with a 53 year old man whose a sadist and doesn't give a shit about the fact I've been starving since breakfast.

 **Zero:** Ahh, daddy issues, huh?

 **quicksecs:** actually i agree with 4cate on this  
 **quicksecs:** hunger is the worst thing in the world  
 **quicksecs:** its a gd job i've got a plate of cheesey fries in front of me mmm

 **Zero:** Yum

 **4nicate:** Stop, you're making me jealous..  
 **4nicate:** Oh shit

 **4nicate has left chat room Stitch.**

 **quicksecs:** lol, in a rush?

 **Zero:** Wonder what happened

"Craig, I said hand it over."

"No."

"Hand it over right now!"

"No."

"Craig-" His teacher said through clenched teeth. The raven was currently pushing his last nerve. "If you don't comply within the next five seconds, you will earn a disciplinary."

Craig's eyes narrowed. How dare the teacher threaten him. This was _his_ phone. _He_ owned it. _He_ paid the bills for it, therefore h _e_ should not need to hand it over. But he couldn't receive another disciplinary. Not with his record anyway. His name was at the top of the list, along with many other 'disruptive' and 'bad' students. It would be easy to say no and keep his phone. But if he handed it over, it would only be until the end of the school day. Only two more lessons and he could have it back and the more he thought about that, the more he realised going against his teacher's command really wasn't worth it in the long run.

Craig handed over his phone.

* * *

"Dude, you really need to get rid of some of this junk." Kyle stated, holding up a handful of post it notes and crumpled pieces of paper he grabbed from Stan's desk draw. It was early evening and as per usual, Kyle and Stan were hanging out. The four boys decided to keep it a quiet one this weekend after what happened last week. Kenny wanted everyone to keep a low profile. For the time being, anyway.

"Hey, put that stuff back. And they aren't junk. They're essentials." The raven muttered the last sentence, knowing there was virtually no truth in it.

Kyle rolled his eyes and mumbled a "Whatever." before retrieving back to his spot on Stan's bed. He looked preocupied with something on his phone. Kyle watched Stan's thumbs dance accross the screen as if he was in a rush for something. "You on the chat?"

"No, I'm trying to write an email to my boss. Trying to change my shift next week."

Stan worked part time at the local gym in South Park along with Token. He hadn't been working there as long as Token, but it had been 6 months since he got the job and quite frankly, he enjoyed working there. It was a decent sized gym, he got on well with his colleuges and the hours were relatively relaxed. The main thing, he was earning money. Something Randy was eager for his son to start doing.

Stan was the only one of his friends that actually had a job. Well, that wasn't strictly true. Cartman liked to buy and sell stuff on eBay and Kenny liked to sell drugs. Kyle's parents - Shelia and Gerald - didn't pressure their son into a job at his age as he was still in education. But the redhead knew that would all change after graduation. He would need to start applying for something soon..

"What for?"

"Kenny wants me to go with him after school on Tuesday."

"Go where?"

"To set off fireworks."

"Why are _you_ going?"

"Because Cartman's busy apparently."

 _What the fuck?_ Was all Kyle could think. Kenny was leaving him out again? After expressing his anger to him last week when he picked Cartman over himself? Maybe he didn't express himself hard enough. This was simply not fair and it pissed Kyle off. He was always there for Kenny no matter the situation and the blonde repaid him by singling him out? Not on his watch.

"I've gotta go." Kyle mumbled as he stood up and roughly grabbed his bag from the floor.

"Oh, okay. I guess I'll see you tomorrow then?"

But Kyle left the room without another word. Stan, being oblivious, hadn't caught on to his friend's anger and simply went back to typing out his email.

* * *

"Uh, Cartman?" Kenny called out as he trotted down the last of the steps in Cartman's house. As he entered the living room, he spotted his friend sprawled out on the couch, a magazine in his grasp.

"What is it, poor boy?"

"Nothing, it's just-" The blonde threw a thumb behind his shoulder. "Well, I was upstairs and I was speaking to your mom and-" Cartman pulled away from his magazine and made eye contact with his friend. "And I... is she- is she high?"

Kenny noticed a stir in him. As if he was feeling a sense of uncomfortableness. A feeling Cartman didn't express very often. "No."

"Because it seemed pretty obvious to me that she-"

"What did she say to you?"

"What did she say? Nothing really. Well, she asked about Kevin, which is kinda weird because she barely knows him and said she was really pleased to see me."

"And that's all she said.."

"Yeah."

Cartman kept his eyes on the blonde, percieving a slight hesitation in his voice. Kenny shifted on his feet before he eventually added, "Oh, and that my ass looked good."

Within a second, the brunette huffed and mumbled a bunch of profanity under his breath before throwing himself off the couch. "MOM!" He roared as he disappeared from the room to storm up the stairs.

Kenny's lips pursed together, expressing an 'oh shit' face. Maybe he should have left that part out..

"But that's none of my business" He concluded and replaced his friend's spot on the couch.

In all honesty, it wasn't the first time Kenny had suspected Liane high. She was an awfully calm person, even with Cartman's temper. But what surprised him more, was that the brunette tried to deny it. That was the strange thing. Was it an embarrassment? _It shouldn't be,_ Kenny thought. _Who doesn't get high nowadays?_

Cartman's reaction was interesting. Normally, if Kenny was caught trying to chat up his mom (like he had on many occasions), the brunnete would be angry at _him_. Not her. This was the first time Cartman had dismissed Kenny talking to his mom.

Kenny kept that in mind.

* * *

 **brainwaves:** Look, he said he was kidding

 **Infinity33:** Yh, I did  
 **Infinity33:** Obv someone can't take a joke

 **Semicolon:** I don't care. Still wasn't funny

 **Infinity33:** Well if you can't stand the heat then gtfo

 **StaticMan:** Oh shit

 **brainwaves:** :o

 **Semicolon:** Whatever.

 **Semicolon has left chat room Spawn.**

 **Tuxedo?:** That was a little harsh Infinity

 **StaticMan:** ...

 **Zero:** Anywaaay...

 **Infinity33:** Tux, all I said was the word bitch

 **Tuxedo?:** What? No, you called the entire female population bitches  
 **Tuxedo?:** Colon gets offended by stuff like that

 **Infinity33:** So ?  
 **Infinity33:** I get offended by illegal immigrants coming into this dam country, doesn't mean I get all anal and cry about it

 **brainwaves:** Actually, you kinda do

 **Infinity33:** Ok tru, but you kno what I mean  
 **Infinity33:** I can't control everyone's feelings. can't help if someone gets offended

 **Tuxedo?:** Look, I'm not the one offended  
 **Tuxedo?:** It's just Colon is a feminist I think...

 **Infinity33:** Oh god, why don't u just put me out of my misery right now

 **StaticMan:** But Colon's avatar is a guy?

 **brainwaves:** Guys can be feminists too Static lmao

 **StaticMan:** Well yeah but  
 **StaticMan:** I swear Colon has called himself a guy before though

 **Infinity33:** Who cares

 **Bluebell!69 has joined chat room Spawn.**

 **brainwaves:** Yeah, good point

 **Bluebell!69:** Hey fellow friends!

 **StaticMan:** Sup blue

 **Zero:** Howdy

 **Bluebell!69:** How is everyone this evening ?

 **Zero:** Pretty tight. Yourself?

 **StaticMan:** There's been a bit of conflict here blue

 **Bluebell!69:** I'm just great!  
 **Bluebell!69:** And yeah, I can see that...

* * *

 **Private Message From Infinity33 to brainwaves.**

 **Infinity33:** Fuck sake

 **brainwaves:** Lol, tell me about it

 **Infinity33:** Srsly, Idk what semicolon or tux's problem is  
 **Infinity33:** always arguing with whatever I say

 **brainwaves:** Yeah, I know  
 **brainwaves:** Tbh Colon always get's involved in any heated topic

 **Infinity33:** Pisses me off

 **brainwaves:** Same here  
 **brainwaves:** So funny when he left because of what you said though

 **Infinity33:** Rofl  
 **Infinity33:** He a sensative asshole

 **brainwaves:** Lol

* * *

 **StaticMan:** There's been a bit of conflict here blue

 **Bluebell!69:** I'm just great!  
 **Bluebell!69:** And yes, I can see that...

 **Zero:** Make love, not war [Heart emoji] [Heart emoji] [Heart emoji]  
 **Zero:** Jus don't forget to wear a condom

 **Infinity33:** A rubber band and clingfilm usually works

 **Zero:** LOL

 **brainwaves:** Gross

 **Bluebell!69:** I don't get it...

 **Zero:** You will one day blue, one day

 **StaticMan:** Haha  
 **StaticMan:** Anyway guys, I'm off. Up early tomorrow

 **Bluebell!69:** I am too  
 **Bluebell!69:** Only came on to say hi!

 **brainwaves:** Alright, no probs  
 **brainwaves:** Bye guys

 **Zero:** See ya Static, see ya blue xo

 **StaticMan has left chat room Spawn.**

 **Bluebell!69:** Good night!  
 **Bluebell!69:** Please try not to argue ...

 **Bluebell!69 has left chat room Spawn.**

* * *

 **Private Message From Infinity33 to brainwaves.**

 **Infinity33:** Tux has gone quiet..

 **brainwaves:** Hmmm  
 **brainwaves:** Probably lurking to see what we say about Colon

 **Infinity33:** They're both fuckin snakes  
 **Infinity33:** I don't trust either of em

 **brainwaves:** Think you're right there

* * *

 **Infinity33:** Tux, u alright?  
 **Infinity33:** You seem awfully distracted..

 **Zero:** Fin, what did I just say about making love  
 **Zero:** You start shit n I'm leaving

 **Infinity33:** Wtf you on  
 **Infinity33:** I am concerned about Tux's health, that's all  
 **Infinity33:** Jeez I ask a question and get shot at

 **Zero:** Lmao?

 **Tuxedo?:** Huh? No, I'm good  
 **Tuxedo?:** Was eating dinner

* * *

 **Private Message From Infinity33 to brainwaves.**

 **Infinity33:** Bullshit  
 **Infinity33:** Who eats dinner at midnight

 **brainwaves:** Lol ikr, he's shifty  
 **brainwaves:** Oh fuck  
 **brainwaves:** Sorry, I gotta go. Phone's about to die

 **Infinity33:** It's cool  
 **Infinity33:** Cya

 **brainwaves has logged off.**

* * *

 **brainwaves has left chat room Spawn.**

Kyle crawled to the other end of the bed and plugged his phone into the charging unit. He wasn't expecting any arguments in the chat today, but oh well. It was entertaining to see a clash of personalities now and again. One thing he had noticed since downloading the app and meeting everyone, was that as time progressed, he always sided with Infinity33. Over the course of the year, they had become close friends on the internet. The guy was hilarious and always lightened up the mood. Semicolon wasn't a user Infinity33 got on well with and honestly, neither did Kyle. To him, Semicolon was dull and boring and always had a say in something whenever they were logged on.

But that's why everyone came back to the chat rooms. To talk and express true feelings. It was almost like an addiction and no matter how much of a break you took from the site, you always came back in the end. The anonymous identity the app provided for every single user was nor a trick or a game. It was a way for people to meet each other. A way for people to connect. A way for people to become who they really were.

And no-one knew who created the site in the first place. The whole thing was a complete mystery, yet it was a huge success.

* * *

 **Tuxedo? has left chat room Spawn.  
Infinity33 has left chat room Spawn.**

 **Zero:** Guess it looks like I'm the only one left !  
 **Zero:** Glad we ended on a good note  
 **Zero:** Until we meet again friends xo

 **Zero has left chat room Spawn.**

 **There is no-one left in this chat room.**

 **ERROR has entered chat room Spawn.**

 **ERROR:** 1O1OO1 **  
ERROR:** O11O1O1O1O  
 **ERROR:** O1O1O1O111O1O1O111  
 **ERROR:** 1O1O1O1O111O1O1O1O11O1OO1O1  
 **ERROR:** O1O1O111OO1111OOOO11  
 **ERROR:** 1O1O111OOO1O1O111O1O1O111OO1O  
 **ERROR:** 11OO1O1O1O1O1OO1111OOO1  
 **ERROR:** O111O1O1O11  
 **ERROR:** OO111O1O1O1111O1OO1O1O11  
 **ERROR:** OOO11OO1111O1O1O1O11O1O1O11O1O1O1111O  
 **ERROR:** 11O11O11OOOO1O1O11  
 **ERROR:** 11O1O1O1111O1OOOO1O1  
 **ERROR:** OO1O1O111OO1  
 **ERROR:** O1O111O1OOO1O1O11  
 **ERROR:** O1OO111OO  
 **ERROR:** OO1O11O1111O11OO1O1O1O1O1O11O1O1O1O1O1O1O1O1O1O1O1O11  
 **ERROR:** 1OO11O1O11O1O1111O1OOO1O11O1OO111OO  
 **ERROR:** O1O1O1O1O111O1OO1O11  
 **ERROR:** 11O1OO1O1O1O1O1O1O1O1OOO1O1O111O1O1O11O1OOO  
 **ERROR:** O111O1111O111OO11111111OO  
 **ERROR:** 111O1O1OOOOOOO11OOO1OOOOO1OOOO11O1OO  
 **ERROR:** OO11O1OOOOOO1OOOO1OOOOOOOO1OOOOOOO1OOOOOOO1OOOOOO  
 **ERROR:** OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 **ERROR has left chat room Spawn.**

 **There is no-one left in this chat room.**


	4. Pitching A Plan

**A/N:** Ooo look, more cyber names! Some are revealed, some aint. It's down to you to do the guessing (though my clues are probs really obvious).

Anyways, thanks again for the messages !

* * *

 _Chapter Four - Pitching A Plan._

 **Welcome to The ASS! - The Anonymous Social Site, the site where you can converse with anonymous users while keeping your identity unknown! Please enter your username and password..**

 **USERNAME:** **Gardenome  
PASSWORD: XXX**

 **Gardenome has joined chat room Collapse.**

 **Gardenome:** HI GUYS!

 **Dyedsocks:** What's up Garden!

 **StaticMan:** Hey dude

 **Gardenome:** Crazy week for me !  
 **Gardenome:** i'Ve had barely any sleep :( :(

 **Dyedsocks:** Oh no :(  
 **Dyedsocks:** Well it's midweek so hopefully you can catch up on your dreams on the weekend :D

 **Gardenome:** I hope so  
 **Gardenome:** I'm working ALL day Saturday  
 **Gardenome:** Think I'm gonna DIE

 **StaticMan:** I feel you Gard  
 **StaticMan:** But I'm only working in the morning

 **Gardenome:** I HATE CUSTOMERS ! [Crying emoji] **  
**  
"Hey Tweekers. What do you do when there's no customers?"

"What, you mean like right now?" Token filled in. Clyde panned the coffee shop only to realize that he, Craig, Tweek and Token were currently the only ones sitting in the room.

It was a Wednesday afternoon and Tweek was working at his parent's cafe - Tweak Bros. The only reason why he liked working for the family business was because he was entitled to all the free coffee he wanted. And Tweek really liked coffee. Due to the constant hours he had to put up with, the shop became the pleasure of being the main hangout of Craig's gang. If it wasn't, then there would be many times where Tweek would have felt left out. So in the end, Tweek didn't mind working at Tweak Bros at all really.

"Okay, fair point. But like, what about when we're not here?"

"We're always here."

Clyde shook his head. "Not all the time. Not yesterday."

"That's because Tweek wasn't working yesterday."

 **Gardenome:** BRB guys  
 **Gardenome:** Gotta deal with some annoying customers

"I normally just sit behind the counter and wait until someone comes in." Tweek explained. He stood up from the booth they were all sitting in and collected the empty mugs. "Does anyone want a refill?"

"I wasn't finished with that one yet." Clyde replied, but his voice was drowned out by two monotone voices replying with a "Yeah."

The blonde made his way to the counter and reached for the coffee carafe. His cup was poured first and he took a long swig before refilling any of the others. He was feeling more paranoid than usual and he couldn't understand why. Well maybe that joint he had an hour ago didn't exactly help his situation..

"Toke, what time is it?"

"Almost five." Token answered, not bothering to look up from a text he was reading from Nichole.

"Shit, I'm gonna be late." Craig grabbed his keys from the table, his bag from the floor and exited the booth. "See you guys later. Bye Tweek!" He called out and his friends bidded their goodbyes, including Tweek, who waved from behind the counter.

He left the coffee shop, jumped into his car that was parked on the side of the road and threw his bag with his work uniform in into the backseat. He decided to change when he'd get there otherwise he wasn't going to make it in time. He pulled into the main road and as he set off, he felt thankful that the traffic was in his favour this afternoon. There was nothing worse than turning up an hour late for work. Actually, scratch that, he could think of worse things. Like turning up an hour early for work.

There was something Craig needed to do before he got to work though. It was more of a desire than a neccesity, but for Craig, it was urgent. He pulled out his phone and dialed a number he knew off by heart. The only number he knew off by heart. He only had to wait a few seconds before the line picked up, the receiver answering with a "Yo".

"It's Tucker."

"What, no hello?"

"Look, I need a set. I have twenty bucks."

"Sure. Come by, I've got some already made up."

"I can't. I've got work right now so you're gonna have to come meet me."

"Oh? And whose gonna pay all that gas money?"

Craig could almost see the blonde's pout. "You live like ten minutes away, asshole. Stop playing around and just accept the deal."

"You seriously asking me with that attitude?"

"Yes."

There was a pause on the other end of the line followed by a sigh. "Fine, whatever. I'll come by in a few hours."

"Okay. Bye."

"Laters."

Craig hung up the phone, pulled into the small car park and parked in one of the designated staff only parking slots.

* * *

Kyle and Stan were in South Park's Walmart, browsing the shelves and lingering around the electronic and food isles. Kyle wasn't sure why he agreed to meet Stan after leaving like he left yesterday. He was still angry at them all. Kenny, for excluding him and labelling him as the least important (okay, he didn't use those words exactly, but that was how he felt). Stan, for not realizing Kyle was angry by it and Cartman? Well Cartman was just an asshole.

Throughout the whole afternoon, Kyle had been on edge. As if he was ready to snap if someone would say the wrong thing. Which Cartman had done several times during the morning, but that wasn't anything out of the ordinary. Even after school when Kyle had been with Stan, his short temper hadn't been achknowledged by Stan. Either that, or he had been completely ignoring them.

"So how was last night?" Kyle asked with mild curiosity.

"It was alright. I think Kenny has a bit of a thing for fire though."

"Fire?"

"Yeah." Stan picked up a PlayStation game and observed the front cover, a slight frown sitting across his forehead as he reminded himself of last night. "After we set off those firework things he found the other night, he started burning a lot of stuff."

"What kind of stuff?"

"I dunno, like magazines and tree branches. That kinda stuff. Anything he found really. The only reason why he stopped was because his lighter ran out."

"Well he's always been a bit.. you know."

Stan tore his eyes away from the cover and eyed his friend suspiciously. "A bit what?"

"You know-" Kyle shrugged. He couldn't really put it into words. There was just something about Kenny that was odd. Maybe it was the southern vibe his persona emitted. "freak like?"

"..Freak like."

"Well you and I both know he's into some pretty weird shit. Remember when you found the porn history on his phone that one time?"

"Oh." Stan broke into a grin when the memory Kyle was talking about popped into his head. The vision was a clear as day and he remembered Kenny's reaction after he asked him about the odd things he found in the search engine. From topics like HARDCOREFUCKING, RIMMING and DILF to HENTAI, BONDAGE and SUFFOCATION, it was enough for Stan to ask what the hell Kenny got off to. The blonde had no shame in admitting he was a little wild and liked to have fun. Stan, however, had never even thought of having much of a variety like his friend. When the pair discussed their favourte porn categories, Kenny had accused Stan of being way too vanilla. Perhaps that much was true.

"Okay, so maybe he is a little fucked up." He concluded before chucking the video game into the scarcely empty shopping basket. "But I still think we should keep an eye on him, you know? Don't want him dying on us or anything."

Kyle silently agreed and decided to change the subject. Even though he was still moderately agitated with his three friends, he opted for bottling it up and forgetting about it. For now, anyway. "You getting that then?"

"Yeah. Come on, my mom wants me to get some milk."

* * *

The convenience store was empty, save for Craig who was reading an article about dogs in the newspaper. The palm of his hand was supporting his cheek and he didn't move an inch when the bell on front door buzzed. He had almost finished the end paragraph when a packet of M&Ms and a magazine was thrown onto the counter, right in front of his eyes. Craig briefly took notice that the brand of the magazine was Men's Health. He straightened his posture and came face to face with Kenny. The blonde was dressed in a plain black top, ripped jeans and of course, an orange parker. With his hands stuffed deeply in his pockets, he looked as if he was waiting for something.

Craig had almost forgotton.

"What're you reading?"

Craig decided to skip the small talk and jump straight to the point. "Have you got it?"

The blonde smirked. "You might wanna scan those."

He glanced at the products on the counter and noticed a slight a bump between the pages of the magazine. There were CCTV cameras placed around the store. One facing the front door, another facing the alcohol isle and the most crucial one was situated directly above Craig, facing the counter, cash register and himself. No doubt would he be fired if he got caught by his boss buying drugs. Kenny knew this, which was why he was being sneaky about it.

Craig grabbed the Men's Health mag (the selected genre did not surprise him in the slightest) and the bag of M&Ms and tapped the different buttons on the cash register. Once he was done, Kenny nodded behind him and said, "I'll take a pack of cigs too."

The raven reached into his own back pocket and swapped a rolled up twenty dollar bill with the ready made bag of pot. Turning around, he picked out the cheapest box of cigarettes and handed both - the carton and money - to Kenny. Not to make things look suspicious, Kenny dropped some cash onto the counter in exchange for the things he just bought. As soon as the pair were both satisfied with the exchange, Kenny broke into a grin.

"So, how're things?"

"Good. Things are great. You leaving now?"

"You seriously giving me attitude after coming all the way down here?"

"What do you want me to do? Get down on my knees and offer you my graditude?"

"Craig, there will be only one thing I'll want you to get down on your knees for and I think you of all people will know what I mean by that."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing." Kenny shrugged. "You just look like the kinda guy that would get off on that sorta-"

"And you look like the kind of guy that gets off from watching your brother bathing in the shower."

The blonde frowned at the mental image, but smirked when he saw Craig's expression soften into a very small smile.

Kenny and Craig weren't close, but considering the amount of time they'd known each other, they knew a lot about one another. They didn't particulary like each other, nor did the dislike each other. They shared a mutal friendship that mainly only existed due to Craig's addiction to Marijuana. Other than that, they were just two people that lived in the same town and attended the same school.

Craig changed the subject. "You hear about that corner shop that got trashed last week?"

"Yeah, I did."

"Was it you?"

Kenny's smile faltered. He wasn't expecting to hear that. "Why'd you ask?"

"I hear things have been pretty tough lately."

"Things are always tough. Who'd you hear that from anyway?"

"Ruby."

The blonde sighed and inwardly felt a twist of agitation. _Fuckin' Karen._ Kenny had told his foureteen-year-old sister what happened at the convenience store and even though she was a little dissappointed, she understood why. She had obviously been talking to Craig's sister and he had either evesdropped on them both or Ruby must have told him. He was leaning more towards believing the latter as Craig wasn't the one to care about other people's problems.

"Guilty. It was me."

"You, Marsh, Cartman and Broflovski tried to take on all those thugs? What are you, retarded? Everyone knows that place is like a crystal palace central."

"You say that, but there was barely any shit in there, not even in the storage room. But anyway, it wasn't supposed to go down like it did." The blonde shook his head. "I thought it was gonna be an easy job. No one said anything about hispanics and gangs and whatever the fuck they were using that store for. Cartman and I were fuckin' lucky we got away like we did." Kenny ran a hand through his hair, a worried expression appearing accross his face. "Man, I don't wanna put my friends in that kinda danger. Fuck knows what would have happened if they didn't get away."

Craig rolled his eyes at the blonde's pathetic excuse of feeling sorry for himself. "Suck it up, buttercup. That's what friends are for. Stop crying about it and focus on the fact that you barely got away and need a back up plan if it all goes to shit next time."

"Next time?"

"You telling me your parents are going to be completely debt free from now on?"

"Well no, but-"

"Well there you go." Craig said simply. When Kenny didn't respond, he glanced up at the camera behind him before turning back, leaning in closer and beckoning the blonde to also do the same. "Look, I know the finantual situation of this place. I know its income and outcome per calander week, month and year. I know its property worth, length of lease, shift schedules, lock up times, security set-up, emergency backups, everything. I even know the code to the safe."

Kenny tilted his head and eyed the other suspiciously, his eyes squinting just slightly. "Tucker, are you telling me to rob the only place that provides you with your single source of income?"

"I wasn't telling, I was suggesting." Craig shrugged. "I've known my boss for two years, he wouldn't think twice about me being involved in helping a mutual friend steal profits from here. I've gained his trust."

"You'd really cheat someone you've known for two years?"

"I hate this place." Craig justified for reasons, unbeknownst to Kenny.

The blonde replayed everything said to him through his mind, the idea overwhelming him a bit. The suggestion was very random for Craig, especially since he didn't like to get involved in Kenny's affairs. Or anyone's affairs for that matter. If what Craig was implying was true, then it should be an easy task. But in a place like this, Kenny suspected there couldn't be much in it for him considering the money would have to be split five ways. However, a little bit was better than nothing..

"Are you generally serious about this?"

The stern look on Craig's face was more than enough to confirm how 'serious' he was. The blonde backed away from the counter and nodded lightly. "I'll talk to the guys."

"If you agree to do this, I want in."

"Sure." Kenny glanced one more time at the security camera above Craig's head before grabbing his items and walking out of the store, the bell ringing as he left. He hopped into his brother's red pick up truck and threw his things in the back seat. As the idea ran through his mind once again, he determined one thing. He needed a second opinion and there was only one person he'd go to for a decision like this.

He grabbed onto the clutch, pulled it downwards and reversed rather harshly onto the road before speeding off into the distance.

* * *

Kenny entered his best friend's house and called out to him. "Honey, I'm home!"

Though there was no answer, he could hear muffled voices sounding from the ceiling above him. In his hand, he fiddled with his car keys and remained on the welcome mat just inside the house. Soon enough, Cartman came storming down the stairs, an irritated expression spread accross his face. That was nothing unusual, but being shoved back through the front door and onto the patio was unusual behavior.

"The fuck?" Was all Kenny could say as the brunette guided him back into Kenny's brother's truck. "We not chilling at yours then?"

"No."

Once the pair got inside the vehicle, Kenny started the engine and drove towards the direction of his own house. Although, he decided to take a detour first as he needed to pitch Craig's idea and discuss certain opportunities to see what Cartman's reaction would be. The reason why Kenny trusted Cartman's opinion on most things, was because it was normally the best as he was brutually honest, logical and also confident when it came to making his mind up. Cartman always knew what he wanted. Kenny, on the other hand, was always stuck in the middle and wasn't sure what he wanted. It could be from deiciding what flavour ice-cream he wanted to choosing what career he wanted in life.

"So Tucker reckons he has this idea." He began.

Cartman was mildly surprised by what his friend had just said. He assumed the first thing to come out of his mouth would have been ' _So what crawled up your ass?'_ But as it happened, he was pleased Kenny didn't say that, because he only would have told him to mind his own goddam business.

"Why do you even talk to that asshole?"

"Granted, he is an asshole. But if you just shut up and listen for a sec and I'll tell you this thing he suggested."

"I'm listening."

"Okay, so you know he works at that gas station near my house, right?"

"No, but go on."

"Okay, so he works at the gas station near my house and I went in there earlier to sell him a couple grams of weed. Anyway, long story short, he told me he knew it was us that trashed that store the other night and~"

"You mean _you_ trashed that store the other night."

"~and suggested we perform an actual hesit at the mini store there. You know, like a robbery."

Cartman opened his mouth to express what a stupid idea it was, but opted out. _Why would Craig suggest that?_ The thought lingered through his mind, pushing back what he was origonally contemplating on - an argument he had with his mother. Did it really count as an argument if one person was ranting and raving and the other as cool as a cucumber? Normally Cartman liked to keep calm as he hated being the only one angry in any kind of dispute. But on this occasion, he was the one that had lost his temper with his mother.

Liane had come back late yesterday after a night at Skeeter's Bar - a place she often went to and a place Cartman often stood clear from. Watching his mother whore herself out was not a sight he desired to see. By the time he had come back from school, he had spotted an unfamiliar vehicle parked in their driveway. He entered the house only to find a half naked, middle aged man in the living room drinking _his_ whisky, sitting in _his_ chair, smoking _his_ cigarettes. Okay, so maybe the cigarettes weren't enitrely his, but in Cartman's eyes, that was completely irrelevent.

After spewing abuse, booting the guy out of the house and informing him to never return, Liane quietly neglected the situation and headed to her room for a lie down. Cartman, however, wasn't having any of it. He followed her and immediately demanded answers. "Who the fuck is he? Do you even know him? This is _our_ fuckin' house, mom! It's so degrading, do you fucking _see that?_ Is that why you were out late last night again? That's the second time this week and it's only a goddam Wednesday!" Were the words that left his mouth, but Liane wasn't the slightest bit interested. She waved her hand at her son, dismissing him and muttering something along the lines of "I'm sorry, honey" and "Now let me sleep".

Storming out of the room and marching down the stairs, that was when he saw Kenny lingering in the hallway. He wasn't sure how long he had been there, but he wasn't about to find out.

Cartman was beginning to think his life was boring. The past year he had been against going to college after graduation. The amount of debt he would be carrying for the next ten years or so was definitely what he would describe - complete bullshit. He just wanted to become a successful business tycoon, without starting from the bottom. He didn't want to work in some shitty nine-to-five warehouse and work his way up to an assistant manager. That wasn't his style. Perhaps what Kenny was suggesting wasn't a bad idea...

From what his friend was proposing, this wasn't going to be another failed debt collecting job. And thank god.

Cartman was quiet for a while as the idea dancing through his mind had silenced him. If what Kenny was saying was legit, he could come out with a score. Well, it wouldn't be much of a score considering it was only an out of town gas station, but he would still be richer than he was right now. If this was planned out well, it could become a good idea. The direction Cartman was thinking was undoubtedly the same as Kenny's. That was one of the main reasons why they were best friends.

But judging by the long pause and uncertain look on the brunette's face, Kenny wasn't so sure. "You think it's a shit idea, huh."

Cartman jumped away from his thoughts and brought himself back to reality. He glanced at his blonde friend who had a brief look of contempt. It was obvious how desperate Kenny was for money. For an escape. For excitement. For anything other than his life right now. And Cartman felt the same.

He made his decision.

"I'm in."

The blonde was preparing to abolish the whole thing in an instant, but hearing those words took him back for a moment. There was no explanation, just an approval. But that was all he needed.

"Seriously?"

"I'm Seriously."

"Cool. Send Stan and Kyle a text and tell them to meet at Stan's place."

"You mean you actually _want_ them to help this time? After abandoning us last time."

"Look, we've been over this." Kenny shook his head and sighed. "Split and Run. You would have done the exact same if it was you."

Cartman whipped out his phone and added his two friends (or traitors as he was currently referring them to) to a group chat whilst muttering a "Whatever" to the blonde.

 **Hey assholes. Meet Stan's 4 an orgy in 10. Got things 2 discuss**


	5. Is That A Glitch?

**A/N:** I know lads, I know. In my defense (yes I'm trying to justify why this update took so long), I had to re-write the whole plot (well two plots). I'm still working on it, but I've been adding to that all this time and not this chap

Don't worry, I got ya juice in this chapter

If y'all still with me, then I appreciate it fellow readers !

I've read through this and corrected shit, but I could have SWORN I wrote the word /skip/ somewhere to come back to and add to. If anyone finds it, you win some string that's been in my pocket for about 3 years now

* * *

 _Chapter Five - Is That A Glitch?_

 **Welcome to The ASS! - The Anonymous Social Site, the site where you can converse with anonymous users while keeping your identity unknown! Please enter your username and password..**

 **USERNAME: ERROR**  
 **PASSWORD:**

 **ERROR has entered chat room Spawn.**

 **ERROR:** What a beautiful morning it is, folks  
 **ERROR:** But there's nothing to do :(  
 **ERROR:** Oh, I know! Let's play a game!  
 **ERROR:** I've got a perfect game.  
 **ERROR:** It's called Wheel of Fortune!  
 **ERROR:** Or.. misfortune  
 **ERROR:** Whichever way you look at it really  
 **ERROR:** But anyway..  
 **ERROR:** Today's contestant?  
 **ERROR:** Let's wait, shall we?

 **StaticMan has entered chat room Spawn.**

 **StaticMan:** Someone on their own in here?  
 **StaticMan:** I can't see who the user is  
 **StaticMan:** Better not be glitched again  
 **StaticMan:** Fuck, gotta go. Friends are fighting again  
 **StaticMan:** Sorry I couldn't stay longer, friend

 **StaticMan has left chat room Spawn.**

 **ERROR:** It looks like we have our winner!  
 **ERROR:** Until next time, folks!

 **ERROR has left chat room Spawn.**

 **There is no-one left in this chat room.**

"Because it's completely illogical, that's why, fatass!"

"No it's not, it's-"

"It's failed twice before! It's incoherent and unreliable!"

"What do you even mean by that?!"

"It means you're fucking stupid."

"That's not a legit reason, you kike!"

"Call me that one more time and I swear to God I'll punch you in the goddam throat~"

"Look, guys-" Kenny stood between Kyle and Cartman, who were at it like cat and dog and held his hands up in an attempt to calm the situation. They were in Stan's kitchen and had gone through Craig's idea. Kyle took the whole thing rather negatively and Cartman claimed he didn't appreciate the redhead's attitude. As per usual, the disagreement lead to a full blown argument and once again, Stan and Kenny were pushed away to watch from the side lines. With the lack of interest portraying in Stan's eyes and with no sign of attempting to calm the situation, Kenny took charge. "-Please, can you both just calm the fuck down for once? Jesus Christ."

Kyle and Cartman exchanged glares for what felt like an incredibly long time but in reality, only lasted a few seconds. Kyle was the first to draw his eyes away, but only to then situate them on the floor about a meter or so away from his feet. He didn't like the idea at all. He didn't want any of his friends to try and pull off something that failed twice before, because in his eyes, it would inevitably fail the third time round. But Kyle knew he wasn't trying hard enough to coax them into backing out. Stan was the easiest to persuade as he always tagged along to the popular vote. He could also have words with Kenny and pep talk him down by guilt tripping him and expressing how much more he could do with his life. Cartman, however, was another story. There was no way of convincing Cartman with anything. Once the brunette had come to a decision, there was no backing down. If he did happen to change his mind in something he was originally passionately sure on, then it was a change of tactic. It was a move that would lead to his advantage. The way Cartman worked was the same way a game of chess works. And in this case, Cartman was always victorious. He was the champion. And Kyle knew this very well.

But due to the brunette's high charisma and fine choice of vocabulary, Kyle learned that he'd been outvoted. It was becoming more of a frequent thing in the recent months, where Stan and Kenny would side with Cartman more than himself. _Maybe I'm losing my touch.._ Kyle thought as Kenny pulled him back to reality.

"Kyle, I completely appreciate the fact that you're trying to do what's best for me." The redhead's expression softened, but only rekindled after what was said next. "But I've already made up my mind. Now, you can either say you're in and get something out of it, or you can go home and never speak of this again. It's completely up to you, but I'm going to do this with your help or without it. I think you already know which one I'd prefer for you to choose."

With the wise words of motivation Kenny was giving him and the egotistical look Cartman carried, Kyle's mood failed to soften at this point. Why was he the only one that felt like this was a really bad idea? Perhaps because he was the most logical? Well, Kyle seemed to think he was. But something inside him told him to hold back from going on another rampage in a last attempt to influence them all into backing out. He needed to weigh up the pros and cons without having the interruption of Cartman ridiculing him every ten seconds. If it were to fail a third time, then he could at least say "I told you so!" and they could move on from this. But the other side of the coin showed that if it didn't fail and it became a success, Kyle could potentially be a lot richer than what he was now.

But was it really about the money?

Supposedly for Kenny. Maybe for Stan. Definitely for Cartman.

Although the thought of being better off financially made Kyle hopeful, the downside to it was that he didn't want any of his friends to get caught. _They never get away with it on those cop shows._ Kyle argued, but if his friends were going to do this _with_ or _without_ him, like Kenny said, then it would be a risk he'd have to take.

 _Just this once.._

"Okay. What's the plan?"

Kenny sighed softly, the stress of trying to persuade Kyle lifting off his shoulders just slightly. "Awesome. Okay, so Stan and Cartman, you're with me. Kyle, you stay in the car. Craig will be behind the counter, acting as if he was working any other night shift and I'll be-"

"Hang on." Kyle frowned at the role he was given and looked directly at Cartman. He raised his hand and pointed a finger at him. "How come Cartman gets to go with you? Isn't it his turn to baby sit the car this time?"

Kenny, slightly taken aback by the question he was interrupted by, glanced at the brunette. He looked him up and down before shifting his attention back on Kyle. There was no real answer to that, he just preferred Cartman being there with him. Especially after last time, the brunette was a good backup and Kenny trusted him the most, ironically. The blonde was probably the only one that _did_ trust him considering his dodgy history.

"This isn't circuit training, Jew. No-one said anything about taking shit in turns." The brunette replied.

"I wasn't asking you."

"I guess I didn't really think about it." Kenny answered truthfully. "I suppose he just looks the most... intimidating."

"You mean he's _fat_ is what you're saying."

"The fuck did you just say?" Cartman spat and took a step towards Kyle, catching him off guard. The redhead stumbled back just slightly, but stood his ground. He wasn't easy to be intimidated by.

"You heard me."

"Listen here, Jew, watch your fucking mouth-" He stepped closer so that there was only a few inches between them.

"Get the fuck away from me." He bit back

"Or what?"

"I said get the fuck away from me, you piece of shit!" Kyle spat as he shoved Cartman away. The brunette glanced back to see who he had stumbled into, which he then found out was Stan, but turned back almost instantly to the person he loathed most in the room. _How fucking dare you_. Cartman wanted to say, but he kept his mouth shut. He didn't want to fight.

Actually, scratch that, Cartman wanted to beat the shit out of the Jew, but he knew that wouldn't solve anything and he would only have Stan and Kenny on his back about it later. Besides, this was an important business meeting. So he opted out on retaliating. However, there was no way he _wasn't_ getting the final word in, so he replied with the one single word that would no doubt create a harsh reaction.

" _Kike._ "

Kenny was the first to move. It wasn't the first time Cartman had used that word to create a reaction and it certainly wouldn't be the last. He grabbed onto Kyle as the redhead balled his fists and tried to sock Cartman in the face. Fortunately for the brunette, the fist collided with thin air, missing him by an inch. Kyle growled out in anger and Kenny could feel his frustration, but pulled his friend away from the smug brunette.

"Kyle, come on, cut it out~"

"Get the fuck off me!" Kyle yelled in anger, removing his target away from Cartman and straight onto Kenny. With all his force, he rammed the blonde into the bookshelf that was positioned against the wall in Stan's living room, causing the wooden shelves to shutter against the weight forced upon them. The blonde was taken aback by this, along with Stan and even Cartman was mildly surprised.

"Dude, Cartman." Stan whispered from behind Cartman, only to receive a shrug in response. _It's not my fault the little rat can't control his fucking temper._ The brunette believed, but did not regret what he said to Kyle. Cartman thrived off other people's reactions, it was like child's play to him. Even though Kyle knew very well that this was the brunette's intention and no doubt, his number one trait, it still didn't stop him from losing his temper. Kyle had adopted the role of defending almost anything that came out of Cartman's mouth.

"You know what?" The redhead took a short breath and brushed himself down before announcing his snap decision. "I'm out."

He turned towards the hallway and headed towards the front door and as he opened it, Kenny called out one last time. "Out of what? The whole thing or just the current situation?" But he didn't receive an answer. Kyle slammed the door behind him so hard, it caused the whole house to shake, leaving the three boys in a silent and tense atmosphere.

* * *

 **Private Message From Zero to 4nicate.**

 **Zero:** I can assure you, I am a guy  
 **Zero:** Want me to prove it to you? ;)

 **4nicate:** I've already told you about five times already that I believe you

 **Zero:** Oh, I see. You want to see the merchandise  
 **Zero:** Look, I get it  
 **Zero:** I get that you don't believe me and need me to take a photo of what you're getting into  
 **Zero:** I get it 4, I get it

 **4nicate:** You can't even send pics on here

 **Zero:** Are you asking for my email?  
 **Zero:** That's a bit forward don't you think? At least buy me a drink first

 **4nicate:** Lol fuck off

 **Zero:** Rofl  
 **Zero:** But anyway  
 **Zero:** ...Can I ask you something ?

 **4nicate:** Depends what the question is. If you're asking for me to talk dirty to you, then no. But if you're asking me what my favorite dog breed is, then go ahead.

 **Zero:** Dude  
 **Zero:** You really think that low of me?

 **4nicate:** Well let's look at the physics, shall we?  
 **4nicate:** Everytime you ask me that question, you always follow up with something along the lines of "Would you ever fuck a.."  
 **4nicate:** So the answer to your question is yes. I do think that low of you.

 **Zero:** Wow  
 **Zero:** I'm not really sure what that has to do with physics, 4  
 **Zero:** But jokes aside, this is actually srs

 **4nicate:** Serious?

 **Zero:** Yeah, I'm srsly. I wasn't sure who to go to. You seem like you always listen to me and give the best advice  
 **Zero:** You help me a lot, that's why I was going to ask you

 **4nicate:** Oh okay  
 **4nicate:** Sure, go ahead

Craig braced himself for a hit of pity and problematic scenarios. But then he read the following reply to which he sighed and shook his head to.

 **Zero:** What are you wearing?

He should have expected the expected when it came to user Zero. Nearly every conversation they had was either sexual or a would you rather. Not that Craig particularly minded. It just put him on edge not knowing who Zero actually was. He could have been a fifty eight year old man from India sat in his run down sweatshop using Windows XP with a webcam that was only capable of two pixels. When Craig looked at it like that, it was a good thing users couldn't show their faces on the site. Despite his mild paranoia about who was behind the screen, Craig glanced down at his clothing and took a brief observation of what he was wearing before typing out the next sentence.

 **4nicate:** Black gym shorts and a gray t shirt.

 **Zero:** Mmm noice **  
Zero:** What about underwear?

 **4nicate:** Blue

 **Zero:** ...  
 **Zero:** That's all you're going to give me?

 **4nicate:** Yep

 **Zero:** Come on, give me a little more to play with here

 **4nicate:** Socks

 **Zero:** Socks? What does that mean pal

 **4nicate:** My socks are blue  
 **4nicate:** Is that enough material for you to jack off to?

 **Zero:** Smh  
 **Zero:** I wanna know the deets, 4  
 **Zero:** Wanna know the size of your dick, that kinda thing

 **4nicate:** What makes you think I'm a guy?

 **Zero:** Dude, yesterday we spoke about how many times a day we jerk it

 **4nicate:** Oh yeah, I forgot females don't masturbate at all in this day and age

 **Zero:** No like  
 **Zero:** Shut up, you know what I mean

 **4nicate:** I still think you have a major problem with that btw

 **Zero:** With what?

 **4nicate:** Jerking off fifteen times a day

 **Zero:** No, dude  
 **Zero:** I said that was my record  
 **Zero:** Fucking hell, you make it sound like I'm some sort of sex freak

 **4nicate:** That's because you are some sort of sex freak

 **Zero:** Wouldn't you like to know ;)  
 **Zero:** No but seriously  
 **Zero:** I'm not

 **4nicate:** I rest my case

* * *

"Whose a good boy? You're a good boy, yes you are. Yes _you_ are.." Stan had his fingers entwined around Sparky's head and ears, petting his fellow companion with all the love he could possibly give. "Are you a good boy, Sparksy boy?" He cooed again, this time wrapping his arms around the old doberman and pulling him in for a hug. Sparky's tail wagged softly, the feeling of joy and happiness overwhelming the canine. He was a happy dog. The best dog. The cutest dog. The most badass dog in Colorado. All according to Stan anyway. He loved his pet more than he loved himself, but paradise couldn't last forever though as Stan had to go to work.

The raven glanced at his watch and a slight panic rushed over him. "Shit, I better get my ass to work." He muttered before giving Sparky a goodbye kiss and one last pat on the head. "Be good, boy. I love you, Sparks" He bid his goodbye and left his beloved in the front yard to finish sniffing for squirrels and digging out weeds.

Stan hopped into his car and threw his things onto the passenger seat next to him. As he turned the keys into the ignition, his phone buzzed, notifying a brand new text message. He only needed to glance at the screen once to know not to reply. It was from Wendy. The girl he _was_ supposed to be dating, but by the way things were going, you wouldn't have thought it. The text read the familiar words, _We need to talk x_. The words Wendy always used when she was thinking of taking a break from Stan.

There was nothing wrong with Wendy, nor was there anything wrong with Stan. They were decent, loyal people and did actually get on well. But they wanted different things and they both couldn't help but feel as if the other was only with them out of convenience. As if they were filling the gap before graduation where they would, no doubt, go their separate ways. None of them dared admitting this to one another, however. Maybe it was just a mutual understanding.

But Stan didn't want to talk. He couldn't be bothered to sit through an hour's worth of heart-to-heart talk with his girlfriend. Sitting through a Math lecture was long enough, let alone this. As harsh as it sounded, Stan really didn't care. To him, it was the same shit over and over again and he wish it would stop. The only problem was, was that Stan didn't want to make the first move of a permanent break up. In his mind, maybe things would improve. Maybe things would get better. But that topic was for another day. Right now, Stan just wanted to get to work.

He tossed his phone onto the seat and pulled off the curb.

About two miles into his journey, the raven's phone started to buzz again, this time notifying him with a phone call. _Goddammit_ _Wendy_. Stan rolled his eyes and kept his hands on the steering wheel. He wasn't going to risk getting a fine for some stupid, desperate phone call. If she really needed to speak to him, she would go and see him at work _She knows where I work anyway._ Stan concluded as the phone continued to ring. _It can't be that important._ He could see the screen glowing and dimming in the corner of his eye. _I bet it's nothing._ The phone's ring tone repeated for the second time. _She's just paranoid!_ A third time. _I mean, even if I wanted to, I can't just-_ A forth time. _But what if she wants to breakup with me for good this time..?_ It rang a fifth time. He glanced at the phone and then back at the road. Stan continued to ignore with worry until he reached the South Park Fitness  & Health car park. By then, his phone had rang a further four times and it was on that ninth ring when Stan reluctantly picked up the phone.

"Wendy?"

There was no answer. Stan assumed it was from Wendy as she was the only one that ever called him repeated amount of times in a row. But he didn't even read the caller ID, so it could've been anyone.

"Wendy, are you there?"

Again, no answer. The only sense of noise Stan could hear was distant cars driving in the background. It was as if someone had called him by mistake and left their phone in their pocket. Maybe the raven would have believed that if the caller hadn't rang his number nine times in a row.

"Hello, can you hear me?" Stan asked, thinking that the other line may have been having a problem with their signal. But there was nothing. Not even the sound of someone breathing. It put Stan on edge and he couldn't put his finger on why. Something was wrong.

Stan was left very confused and slightly annoyed. If this was a prank, it wasn't a very good one. He waited a further eight seconds for an answer until he finally had enough. He let out a sigh and went to pull his phone away from his ear and hang up, but a short laugh made him freeze. It was a deep voice, indicating a male voice. Stan opened his mouth to say something, but he was beaten to it.

"Fetch."

And with that, the line went dead. Stan was left dazed and confused by what just happened. He eventually pulled his phone away to see eight missed calls from an unknown number. The number which had just called him. Unlocking his phone, he tried to re-dial the number, but it only brought him to an offline messaging service machine. A bot, in other words. He re-dialed a further three times before giving up. Was someone messing with him? Stan hadn't the slightest clue. He wanted to make sure it wasn't either of his friends, so he opened up an ongoing group chat.

Group Message: **You** , **Kyle** , **Ken** & **Fatass.**

 _Tuesday._

 **Kyle:** ETA?  
 _15:23_

 **Fatass:** on way  
 _15:24_

 **Kyle:** Hurry up, not gonna wait forever  
 _15:25_

 **Fatass:** had detention chill out  
 _15:25_

 _Yesterday._

 **Fatass:** Hey assholes. Meet Stan's 4 an orgy in 10. Got things 2 discuss  
 _20:42_

 **You:** Okay  
 _20:44_

 **Kyle:** Kk  
 _20:47_

 _Today._

 **You:** Have any of u tried to call me? Got weird phone call  
 _17:56_

After sending the message, Stan hesitantly scanned the parking lot only to find a few parked cars. No-one was about. For some reason, he had a weird gut feeling that left him feeling incredibly uneasy. As if someone was watching him. Drawing his attention back to his phone, he mentally noted down the time and shook his head. _This is stupid_. He thought, pocketing his phone and grabbing his duffel bag. _Time for work, I'll worry about this shit later._ He concluded and jumped out of the car. He made his way towards the front doors of the gym to begin his shift.

 **Kyle:** Wasn't me, dude  
 _18:01_

 **Fatass:** who'd wanna call u  
 _18:05_

 **Ken:** Soz just woke up from the king of all naps lmao  
 _20:32_  
 **Ken:** I'll give u a call anytime babe xx  
 _20:32_


End file.
